Mourning Period
by Natalie122333
Summary: Takes place in 2015. Lorelai has recurring nightmares after Richard's death. *Minor spoilers for the revival (basically just what's been revealed at this point)
1. Chapter 1

When Luke got out of bed Lorelai groaned. He didn't mean to wake her up. He had hoped that he could leave without her noticing. She needed her sleep.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep." He said then turned to walk to the bathroom. Before he left the bedroom, she spoke again.

"You're going back to the diner today." She sounded upset.

Luke stopped walking and turned to face her. "I could probably take one more day off if you need me to stay here." He offered.

"No, it's okay. We agreed that you should get back today."

Luke gave her a small smile then turned back around and walked out of the room. He didn't really want to leave but he figured some time alone might be good for Lorelai. Richard's death had been really hard on her, hard on all of them including him. It had been three days since the funeral and Rory left the day before. She was allowed more time off, but she decided to throw herself back into her work to distract herself. Lorelai, Emily and Luke didn't really approve of Rory doing this but they couldn't tell her what to do.

Rory's absence had affected Lorelai, it added to her grief. Luke was there to pick up the pieces. Rory promised that she would visit on weekends when she could. Lorelai was hurt but she didn't tell Rory this. Luke had taken several days off work after Richard's death and Lorelai made him promise that he would go back today. He was hesitant to leave her but he vowed that he would be back early.

After he took a shower, Luke returned to the bedroom and got dressed quickly. When he walked over to his nightstand to pick up his watch, Lorelai stirred and reached for him.

"Lorelai," He said gently. She was making it hard for him to leave.

"I'll be fine I just wanted a hug and kiss goodbye." She pushed the covers off and got out of bed. Standing in front of him, she pressed her face his chest. His arms came around her and he held her tightly.

When she didn't move for a minute, he began rubbing her back. She was usually pretty affectionate, especially when they were alone, but she wasn't usually clingy. He pressed a kiss to her temple.

"I'll be home early."

"Okay but I'm gonna come for lunch maybe." She whispered back.

She had skipped breakfast a lot during the past few days. Her appetite wasn't there and she just didn't feel like doing much. He made sure she ate something every day.

He kept rubbing her back until she pulled away.

"Get some sleep, you need it." He urged.

She just nodded and tilted her head, wanting a kiss.

He pressed his lips to hers; giving her a sweet, long kiss.

"Bye." She whispered.

"Bye." He let her go and turned to leave.

She watched him go then got back in bed. She rolled over to his side of the bed and pressed her face into his pillow, breathing in his scent. She missed him already but she knew he had to go. After an hour of tossing and turning, she managed to fall asleep and stay asleep for a couple of hours.

* * *

Later, Luke looked out the window of the diner and saw Lorelai. He was relieved to see her as she hadn't really gotten out of the house since the funeral. The bell above the door chimed as Lorelai walked in. Babette and Miss Patty were sitting at a table and as soon they saw Lorelai they gestured for her to come over.

Lorelai walked over to their table.

"Lorelai honey, I'm so sorry for your loss." Miss Patty said. Babette had already shared her condolences.

"Thanks Miss Patty." Lorelai had gotten used to saying thank you.

"Sit doll," Babette gave Lorelai a sad smile and patted the chair next to her.

"Ah no that's okay. I was just going to sit at the counter, have lunch and then leave." Lorelai didn't make eye contact with them.

"Oh that's okay, we understand." Patty also gave Lorelai a sympathetic smile.

Lorelai didn't say anything before she walked over to the counter. She didn't want to talk to anyone but Luke. He understood her better than anyone there did.

Luke walked around the counter to come greet her. He gave her a quick kiss and rubbed her arm.

"Hey. Did you get some sleep?" He asked.

"A little," She shrugged.

He urged her to sit. Once she was sitting on a stool, he went back behind the counter and stood in front of her.

"What can I get you?"

"Um coffee of course and hmm… chili fries and a burger I guess."

He nodded and turned to pour her coffee and give Caesar the order.

While her food was cooking, he chatted with her. She asked if anything exciting had happened at the diner and he told her no.

He put his hand on top of hers and brushed her knuckles with his thumb. She met his gaze.

Her cell phone rang at that moment and she pulled her hand away. She actually got up and left the diner without answering the phone. The rule of no cell phones in the diner had not changed in the age of smartphones.

It was Rory. Lorelai answered on the fourth ring.

"Hey honey."

"Hi Mom. I just thought I'd call to check in."

"I'm fine. Everything's getting back to normal."

"Mom…" Rory wasn't buying it.

"Ok maybe it's not, but it will be."

Rory was silent.

"Luke went back to the diner today. I'm there now for lunch."

"Oh that's good."

"Yeah and I saw Miss Patty and Babette in the diner and Miss Patty shared her condolences." Lorelai said at the same time Rory said: "Mom."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for leaving so soon. I shouldn't have."

"Rory you already apologised. I get it. You're dealing with this your own way and I respect that."

"But you need me and Grandma needs me."

Lorelai didn't know what to say to that. Yes, it would be better if Rory was here but she understood why she felt like she needed to go back to work. Richard wouldn't want them sitting around moping too long.

"And I need you. I'm coming back this weekend and I'm staying." Rory continued.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I was wrong to leave so soon." Rory said quietly.

Lorelai couldn't help but smile. "Okay." She said gently.

"How's Grandma?"

Lorelai hadn't talked to Emily since last night. She was a wreck and Lorelai didn't really know how to console her. They talked on the phone for a bit before Emily excused herself, told Lorelai that she needed to try to get some sleep.

"She's coping as best she can I think. I'm letting her have her space."

"We're going to visit her when I get there." Rory said defiantly.

"We will and I'll phone her tonight."

"Okay. I'll see you soon."

"See you soon. Love you."

"Love you too. Bye."

"Bye."

Lorelai took a breath and stepped back into the diner. She returned to her seat to find a plate of food and a mug of coffee in front of her. Luke was taking a customer's order at a table. Lorelai started eating.

"That was Rory." Lorelai told Luke when he came back behind the counter.

"How is she?" He asked a look of concern on his face.

"She's okay I think. She's coming back this weekend and she's going to stay for a while."

"That's good." Luke was pleased to hear that. He knew the three Gilmore woman needed each other at a time like this.

Lorelai kept eating while Luke worked. When she finished, she waited for him to have a free minute before she told him that she would be heading back home.

"I'll be home in a few hours. I'm gonna pick up a few things from Doose's later, do you need anything?"

"No." Lorelai answered simply. She leaned over the counter. Luke kissed her cheek.

"Bye doll." She said gently.

Luke frowned as he watched her walk off. She wasn't her usual quirky self and that upset him. He understood that she needed to grieve and that that would take time but he wished there was a way he could help her.

* * *

When Lorelai called Emily that night, there was no answer. She left a brief message on the answering machine. Lorelai was worried about Emily but she pushed those worries away when Paul Anka sat in front of the couch and whimpered.

"Aww what's wrong buddy? Daddy will be home soon."

Luke hated it when she referred to him as Paul Anka's dad but Lorelai knew that the dog had wormed his way into Luke's heart. However, Luke would never admit that.

Paul Anka put his head on top of Lorelai's feet. She bent down and scratched behind his ears. After flicking through the channels aimlessly, Lorelai sighed and turned off the TV.

Luke walked in a few minutes later. He was carrying a couple bags from Doose's. Lorelai got up and took a bag from him. They walked to the kitchen and put away the groceries silently.

After Luke took his boots off, he asked if Lorelai wanted lasagna for dinner. She told him that would be fine.

Luke started to prepare the food. Lorelai lingered in the kitchen.

Once he had the lasagna in the oven, Luke sat at the table next to her.

"You okay?"

"Hmm? Yeah, I'm just thinking, nothing to worry about babe."

Luke didn't want to press her. He knew she would open up to him if she wanted to talk.

Later that night, when Luke came out of the bathroom after brushing his teeth, Lorelai pulled him into a deep kiss.

He kissed her back then pulled away. Seeing the pleading look in her eyes, he touched her cheek gently. This had happened before, on the night of the funeral. They made love and Luke knew it was a comfort to her. He wanted to be able to comfort her so he didn't object to it.

He kissed her tenderly and pulled back again. Looking at her, he made sure she really wanted this. She nodded slightly and pulled on his shoulders. They kissed and slowly made their way to the bed. Clothing was stripped and they landed on the bed softly.

Luke took her hand in his, feeling her engagement ring press into his hand. Lorelai pulled him closer and he pressed his lips to her neck. She put a hand on the back of his head and guided his lips back to hers.

Afterwards, they stayed snuggled together for a bit before they said goodnight and tried to sleep. Lorelai woke up in the middle of the night after having a nightmare. Luke remained asleep, obvious to her fears. She took a sip of water and told herself to calm down. She couldn't fall back asleep that night.

* * *

 **Author's note: Thank you for reading. As I said in the summary, this takes place in 2015 so I guess it would be right before the revival takes place. I'm going with the spoiler that L/L are engaged and not married.**

 **I'm still writing Come What May but it's almost done, there will be five more chapters at the most. The idea for this story came to me and I wanted to try to write it. Please let me know what you think. I plan to write more chapters later.**


	2. Chapter 2

When Luke woke the next morning, he reached for Lorelai and felt empty sheets. He laid there for a minute, trying to find the energy to get up. Lorelai walked into the bedroom just as he was walking towards the door.

"Morning, how'd you sleep?" He asked gently.

Lorelai just frowned. She didn't want to tell him about her nightmare.

"Sorry." He mumbled as he pressed a quick kiss to her temple.

Lorelai glanced at him. "I was just about to shower… want to join me?"

"Okay." Luke said simply.

They headed to the bathroom. Forty five minutes later, Lorelai stood by the front door with Luke.

"Bye." She whispered.

"Bye." He whispered back. He gave her a gentle kiss. She pulled him back for one more kiss.

Luke reluctantly pulled back. "Call me if you need anything."

Lorelai nodded. Luke turned around and walked out the door.

Paul Anka entered the room, slowly walking over to Lorelai.

She bent down and pet him. He was getting old and Luke and Lorelai figured he wouldn't live longer than another year.

"Want to go for a walk, Paul Anka?" She looked down at him. "A slow walk maybe?"

Paul Anka cocked his head to the side.

Lorelai decided that a walk would be good for both of them. She put on her shoes and a sweater, grabbed his leash, then picked up the dog and carried him out the door and down the front steps.

She managed to clip his leash on his collar without him noticing. Paul Anka started walking slowly, stopping to sniff things. Eventually, they made their way down the driveway and started walking towards the Inn.

When they were close to the Inn, Lorelai turned around. She didn't want to see anyone. Interacting with people was hard these days. It was strange that her friends and family couldn't really comfort her. Sookie offered to do anything; she ended up managing things at the Inn while Lorelai took some time off.

Lorelai wasn't sure how much time she would need. The entire Inn staff shared their condolences and told Lorelai not to worry about the Inn and to take as much time as she needed. She knew having Rory home would help her heal faster. Rory was the person who understood Lorelai the best. Luke was a big help too, comforting her when she felt upset, but Rory just understood her better.

She pulled out her cell phone and dialed Emily's home phone. The maid answered.

"Hello, Gilmore residence."

"Hi, this is Lorelai. Is my mother there?"

"Yes. She's in the bedroom. Hold on a minute I'll get her."

Lorelai almost told her to not wake Emily if she was sleeping, but it was too late as the maid had already left the phone.

It took a few minutes for Emily to come to the phone.

"Lorelai," Emily answered her voice toneless.

"Hi Mom, I'm just uh calling to check up on you. I got your answering machine last night."

"Well I'm… I don't know what I am." Emily replied.

Lorelai bit her lip. She didn't know what to say. "Um Rory's coming back home this weekend and she's staying for a little while."

"Oh? I thought she wanted to get back to work."

"Well she changed her mind I guess." Lorelai smiled to herself. "So we'll see you tomorrow night then? Rory should be back in the afternoon."

"All right," Emily murmured.

It was silent for a few seconds.

"And Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Please take care of yourself… let me know if there's anything I can do." Lorelai said quietly.

"I will. Thank you Lorelai." Emily sounded choked up.

Emily hung up and Lorelai took a few seconds to end the call from her end. She pressed the screen and slipped the phone back into her pocket.

There was a sudden cold breeze and Lorelai shivered.

"Come on boy, let's go home." She gently pulled on Paul Anka's leash and they walked a little bit faster.

* * *

Later that night when Luke returned home, he found Lorelai asleep on the couch. He bent down in front of her, groaning a little as his muscles ached.

He cupped her cheek in his hand and looked at her for a minute. She looked worn out. He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and she opened her eyes.

"Hey." He whispered.

She swallowed and whispered "Hi." After she sat up she asked him what time it was.

"Eight thirty." He answered.

She rubbed her face. "I must have fall asleep around seven thirty."

"Did you eat anything?" He asked.

"No. Not since breakfast."

He sighed. "Lorelai, you need to eat."

Her brow furrowed. "I'll eat now. You're here so you can cook for me."

He gave her a pointed look. He had left her food that she could heat up for lunch and he was upset that she hadn't eaten it or come to the diner to eat.

"I'm fine, okay?" She told him.

He didn't believe her. He stood up and held out a hand to help her up. She took his hand and once she was standing she wrapped her arms around him.

Luke held her close.

"I missed you." She mumbled, her face pressed into his neck.

"I missed you too." He said. He gently pulled away.

"Lorelai, you need to tell me how you're feeling." He said seriously.

She sighed gently. "I'm fine… I mean I'm not one hundred percent fine but that's okay. I'm just getting through this day by day."

"Okay." He whispered. He still wanted to help her anyway he could, but he knew that she wanted to handle this her own way and that there wasn't really anyway he could help besides comforting her and showing her affection.

She lifted her head and pressed a kiss to his lips. "Let's eat."

He nodded and wrapped an arm around her. They walked into the kitchen together.

After they finished eating, Luke's cell phone rang. He answered it.

"Hey April," He gestured to Lorelai, letting her know that he would go into the living room.

Lorelai glanced around the kitchen. An image of Emily and Richard sitting at the table flashed in her mind. They had met April here years ago when she visited in the summer. Things were good then. Luke and Lorelai were back together, Rory was successful with her job covering the Obama campaign and Lorelai's relationship with her parents was good. They were quick to accept that Luke was the one for Lorelai. They seemed to have forgiven Luke for the way he had treated Lorelai when April first showed up. Luke had attended a few Friday night dinners at that point and Lorelai figured that that was how he had ended up in Emily and Richard's good graces. That and that they could probably see that neither Luke or Lorelai wanted to lose each other ever again.

Emily and Richard wanted to meet April; they wanted to get to know her. April had spent a number of days visiting at the end of the summer of 2007. She and Lorelai bonded and she also met Emily and Richard and became friendly with them. Everything was good back then.

Lorelai came back into the present when Luke came back into the kitchen.

"How's April?" She smiled.

"She's good. We were just catching up." April phoned a couple times a week to talk to her dad and Lorelai. She also kept in touch with Rory.

"That's good." Lorelai said softly.

"She won't be able to visit for a while. She's going to be pretty busy." Luke said.

"Aww that's too bad. I know Rory would like to see her… she hasn't seen her since the summer. Since before-"Lorelai stopped herself. She was going to say since before Richard's death but she couldn't bring herself to say that.

"I know. It would be nice to have her here. She said she wishes she had the time." Luke looked at Lorelai. He stepped closer to her. "What do you feel like doing tonight?" He asked hesitantly.

"Um can we just watch a movie and go to bed?" Lorelai responded. She didn't meet his eyes.

"Sure." He put a hand on the small of her back and led her into the living room.

Lorelai sat on the couch and Luke skimmed the DVDs on the shelf. He held up a comedy movie.

"What are you in the mood for?"

"That one is fine." She said absently.

He put the DVD in the player and picked up the remote. After he had set up the movie and it was playing, he sat down and moved closer to Lorelai. He lifted his arm and she cuddled up to him, laying her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her, resting his hand on her shoulder. They stayed in that position for most of the movie.

* * *

When the movie was over, they headed upstairs to the bedroom without saying a word. Luke kissed her and she kissed him back but she pulled away after two kisses.

"I just want to sleep." She told him.

He nodded slightly.

They quickly got ready for bed and got in. Luke automatically put his arm over her. She faced away from him but didn't pull away.

"Goodnight." He whispered.

"Night hon,"

Hours later, Lorelai woke up in a cold sweat. She had had the same nightmare as the night before.

* * *

 _The four of them were driving in a car, Lorelai, Rory, Emily and Richard. There were on a long winding road and Lorelai was the one driving. They were laughing about something and Lorelai looked back at Emily and Richard for a second. She only took her eyes of the road for a second but Rory suddenly shouted: "Mom look out!" Lorelai looked out and saw a deer on the road a few feet in front of them. She swerved to the right and hit the brakes a second too late. The car went flying off a cliff._

 _The dream ended with Lorelai waking up in the hospital. The first thing she was Luke and he let out a sigh of relief. "What happened?" She asked and then she remembered. "Oh my god where's Rory? And my parents? Are they okay?"  
Luke looked at her, a pained look on his face. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry they didn't make it." He reached for her.  
"No!" She screamed.  
He sat on the bed and pulled her into his arms. He pressed kisses all over her face, but she kept screaming "No!" sobbing._

* * *

Lorelai looked down at Luke. He stirred in his sleep and opened his eyes a few seconds later. He rolled over and turned on the bedside lamp. After taking a sip of water, he turned to see Lorelai sitting up staring into space.

"Lorelai?"

She didn't hear him.

"Lorelai," He said a little louder. He put a hand on her shoulder. She jumped.

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." He looked at her face and noticed that she was sweating. "You okay? You were a million miles away. You didn't hear me."

She turned her head slowly. Forcing her lips into a smile, she whispered. "I'm okay… I just had a nightmare."

Luke pressed his lips together. "Do you want to talk about it?" He rubbed her shoulder.

"No." She answered quickly. She scooted over and took a sip of water from the glass sitting on her nightstand then lied back down.

"Are you sure?" Luke looked down at her, deeply concerned.

"Yes. Let's just go back to sleep… please."

Luke held back a sigh and turned off the lamp. He settled next to her then reached out and put his arm over her. He moved closer to her and pressed his chest to her back. He kissed her cheek softly. Feeling like she might not want him so close, he pulled away.

She kept her back to him and didn't reach for him. She knew that his affection couldn't comfort her right now. She didn't know what she needed. The nightmare was very strange. Richard had actually died of cancer, not a car accident. She wondered why the nightmare had the three of them dying in a car crash and her living. How was that fair?

She stayed awake for hours thinking about the nightmare and about Richard. Tears fell down her face silently. She finally rolled over and found Luke fast asleep. _He wasn't hurt in the nightmare. He'll always be here._ She told herself. She regretted not opening up to him.

Lorelai ran her hand over Luke's thin hair. He didn't wake. She rubbed her thumb against his cheek before she pulled her hand away. She finally fell asleep again ten minutes later.

* * *

 **Author's note: Thank you for reading, following, favouriting and reviewing this story. I really appreciate it.**


	3. Chapter 3

The alarm clock blared, waking both Luke and Lorelai up. Lorelai groaned.

"Sorry." Luke mumbled. He usually woke up before the alarm went off.

When he moved to get up, she reached out for him. He didn't notice.

"Come back." She whispered softly.

Luke didn't hear what she said. "Hmm? You say something?"

"Uh no," She decided to let him go.

Luke gave her a skeptical look but he told her that he was going to shower. He left the room.

Lorelai sighed deeply. _You can get through this. You just need more time._ She told herself. _Rory's coming back today. Everything will be okay._

When she started falling asleep, Luke came back from his shower. He only had a towel around his waist. Lorelai opened her eyes when she heard him moving around the room.

"Hey hot stuff." She said.

After he had put on more clothes her turned to her and smirked. Then he looked at her face and his smile fell. She looked tired.

"Are you okay?" He finished dressing then came over to stand in front of her side of the bed.

"I'll be fine. And I wish you'd stop asking me that. I just need more time."

"Okay." He said gently. He didn't know what else to say.

"I'm picking up Rory from the airport later and I'm guessing she'll want to have a nap before we head to my par- my mom's house." She bit her lip. Was it still Richard's house?

Luke just nodded. Lorelai pushed the covers off and slowly got out of bed. She put a hand on the back of Luke's head and pulled him in for a quick kiss.

"Have a good day. Love you." She said softly. The 'love you' just came out; she didn't say those words to him very often. She just felt like now might be a good time to say them.

"Love you too. Call me to let me know Rory arrived safely."

 _Did he think there was a chance she wouldn't arrive safely?_ Lorelai asked herself. She pushed the thought away. "I will." She managed a smile.

"Bye" He said.

"Bye hon."

Luke left.

* * *

A couple hours later, Lorelai drove to the airport. She noticed that she was very alert. The nightmare had frightened her. She vowed to never take her eyes off the road. After waiting about twenty minutes in the baggage area, she saw Rory heading her way.

Lorelai grinned, "Hey kid!" She called out.

Rory's face broke into a smile, matching Lorelai's. A minute later, they collided in an embrace. Lorelai held Rory close.

"You're squeezing me." Rory gasped.

"Sorry." Lorelai whispered. She pulled back and kissed Rory's forehead. "How was your flight?"

"Ugh, long." Rory complained.

"Well, let's get you home so you can rest."

On the car ride home, Rory asked how Emily was.

"Well I didn't talk to her very long, but she seems to be okay. She's how you'd expect her to be."

"Mom,"

"Don't worry, we'll see her tonight. She'll be thrilled to see you." Lorelai blinked to hold back her tears. She didn't take her eyes off the road.

When they got home, Rory went ahead into the house while Lorelai pulled out her cell phone to call Luke.

Luke answered on the first ring.

"Lorelai?" He had been hoping it would be her.

"It's me. Rory and I just got home."

"Good." He said quickly. "Do you uh want to come to the diner for lunch?"

"Um, Rory's going to sleep I think but I might come."

"Okay I'll see you soon then?" Luke wanted her to come. He just wanted to make sure she ate.

"Yeah," She answered.

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye." She ended the call.

"Rory?" Lorelai called out as she stepped into the house.

"In my room!" Rory called back.

Rory's room had stayed the same all these years. April had slept in it numerous times and she had brought some of her things to make it feel more at home, but most of Rory's things stayed there.

Lorelai walked into Rory's room. Rory was sitting on the bed. Her suitcase was on the floor. It was open but nothing had been unpacked.

"Are you going to take a nap?" Lorelai asked.

"I think I am. I didn't get much sleep on the plane." Rory yawned.

"I'm going to Luke's for lunch. Want me to bring you home anything?"

"Sure."

"Any requests?"

"Surprise me."

"All right," Lorelai stepped up to the bed. She bent down and pressed a quick kiss to the top of Rory's head.

Rory smiled at the affection. "Tell Luke I say hi."

"Of course,"

"Love you Mom." Rory said quietly.

"I love you too sweets."

Lorelai glanced at Rory one more time before she left.

* * *

When Lorelai entered the diner, Luke came over to greet her. He gave her a peck on the lips.

He guided her to a stool then went behind the counter.

"How's Rory?"

"Fine, at least I think so. She says hi"

"You want me to come tonight?"

"Um no, I think it'd be better if it was just Rory and me."

"Oh okay." Luke couldn't help feeling a little hurt.

"I mean I'd love to have you there but I just think it'd be easier if it was just the three of us… so we can talk maybe." Lorelai said slowly.

Luke just nodded.

"Can I get a burger and fries please?" She asked sweetly.

"Sure." Luke gave her a small smile. He turned around and walked over to give Caesar the order.

Lorelai was worried about Emily. She was anxious to see her since she hadn't seen her since the funeral. Emily had been very quiet; she kept her emotions at bay. Lorelai and Rory had only seen her cry twice. Lorelai was worried that Emily was too broken. She knew that Emily was trying to appear strong when she was really crumbling inside.

"Want me to make something for Rory?" Luke asked, pulling Lorelai from her thoughts.

"Yeah, you can just make her a burger and fries too. I'll bring it to her later."

"Okay." Luke replied.

Lorelai ate while Luke served other customers. When she was finishing up, he came back behind the counter, "Want a coffee to go?" He asked.

She nodded. "Thanks."

He poured coffee into a to-go cup and placed it on the counter.

She paid for her meal, picked up her coffee and the to-go bag for Rory and stood up.

"See you at home tonight." Luke said.

"Yep, bye doll." She said before she turned around and walked out the door.

Luke frowned. He was worried about both Lorelai and Rory. He hoped that seeing Emily would help them somehow.

* * *

A few hours later, Lorelai and Rory arrived at the Gilmore house. Before either of them could knock, the door opened. The maid stood on the other side of it.

"Come on in." She said gently. Once they had taken their coats off, Lorelai asked the maid where Emily was.

"I think she's still in the bedroom. Would you like me to go get her?"

"Oh no, that's okay." Rory murmured.

The maid told them they could wait in the living room, but Lorelai had a different idea.

"Let's go upstairs."

"Are you sure? I think we should just wait for Grandma here. What if she just wants some alone time?"

"She's been alone long enough… I'm worried about her."

Rory frowned, "Me too."

They headed upstairs. The door to Emily's bedroom was half-open.

"Grandma?" Rory knocked on the door.

"Oh, you two are early."

"It's a quarter to seven Mom." Lorelai said.

"Is it that late already?" Emily questioned.

"Can we come in Grandma?" Rory asked hesitantly.

"I suppose." Emily said weakly.

Lorelai pushed the door and she and Rory stepped into the room. They saw Emily sitting on the bed. She didn't look at them as they came to stand beside the bed. There was a photo album spread in front of her.

"Oh Mom," Lorelai's voice was thick. It was Emily and Richard's wedding album.

"I just… I wanted to look at it." Emily whispered.

Rory sat on the bed next to Emily without saying a word.

"Mom… you…' Lorelai didn't know what to say.

"I just… I still can't believe he's gone. We were married fifty years. _Fifty_." Emily sobbed.

Rory wrapped her arm around her grandmother.

Lorelai walked around to the other side of the bed and sat.

They sat in silence for a couple minutes. Rory suddenly reached out and closed the album.

"We should go eat." She whispered.

"He uh, he told me I could go first. Did you know that?" Emily voice broke.

"W… when did he say that?" Lorelai wondered.

"Years ago, when he was in the hospital when he had angina,"

"He couldn't keep his promise to me… he couldn't." Emily started crying.

Rory rubbed her back. She glanced at Lorelai.

Lorelai sighed. "Mom, um is there anything we can so to ease your pain?" She bit her lip. She felt like that was the wrong thing to say.

"I don't know, Lorelai. People always say time will heal, but it hasn't been that long and I still don't see myself healing in the future."

"Let's just take this one day at a time." Lorelai said.

"We're here for you. We'll get through this together." Rory said. She let go of Emily and got up.

"We need to eat. Grandpa wouldn't want us to stop taking care of ourselves."

Emily nodded slowly. She pushed herself off the bed. Rory gave her a quick hug.

"Mom? Are you coming?"

"I'll meet you down there in a minute." Lorelai responded. She was looking at the album.

"All right," Emily said simply. She and Rory left.

Lorelai opened the album to a random page. She looked down at a picture of Emily and Richard cutting their wedding cake.

She let out a breath and let her tears fall. At dinner, the three of them tried not to feel Richard's absence. But they couldn't help but glance at his empty chair.

* * *

When Rory and Lorelai got home that night, Luke was waiting for them in the living room. He stood and walked over to the front door when he heard it open.

"Hey Rory," He greeted her first.

"Hi Luke," Rory smiled.

Luke reached out and touched her shoulder affectionately.

Rory turned back to Lorelai. "I'm just going to head to bed. I still feel tired."

"All right hon." Lorelai quickly kissed Rory's cheek.

"So, was everything… okay?" Luke asked once Rory had left.

Lorelai shook her head. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her face into his shoulder.

He patted her back and held her tight. She pulled away after a minute, feeling strange. His arms didn't comfort her like they always did.

"Um I'm going to head to bed too."

"You sure? You don't want to watch a movie or something?"

"I'm sure."

"Okay well I was just going to finish doing bills and such. I'll come up soon."

"Okay." Lorelai pressed a kiss to his cheek.

When Luke entered the bedroom a half hour later, he found Lorelai asleep. He got into bed and cuddled up to her, putting his arm around her abdomen.

Lorelai didn't have the nightmare that night, but she did wake up in the middle of the night. Luke was still asleep and she didn't wake him. She got up and stood in front of the window. Looking out into the night, she whispered:

"I miss you Daddy."


	4. Chapter 4

Having Rory home did help Lorelai feel better, but three nights after Rory arrived, her nightmare reoccurred. She woke up in a cold sweat and jolted upright. Luke was fast asleep next to her, snoring softly. He didn't stir as she moved out of the bed.

Lorelai headed out of the bedroom and downstairs to the kitchen. She squinted as she approached the kitchen. The light was on she swore that she had turned it off before she went to bed. As she stepped into the kitchen, she noticed Rory sitting at the table. It was the middle of the night and Lorelai wondered how long Rory had been here.

"Hey hon. Couldn't sleep?" Lorelai walked up to the table and stopped in front of Rory's chair. She touched Rory's shoulder.

Rory jumped at her touch. "I didn't hear you walk in." She said.

"Oh sorry," Lorelai muttered. She took a seat next to Rory. "Are you having trouble sleeping?"

Rory nodded slowly. "I was fine last night and the night before… but tonight I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to have a midnight snack." She shrugged.

Lorelai frowned, "Are you okay?" She hoped Rory would talk to her.

Rory took a few seconds to answer. "I'm… no, not really. I'm trying my best to be okay but it's hard. I think about Grandpa every day and I just wish he was still here."

Lorelai just pressed her lips together and nodded. She placed her hand on top of Rory's. Rory pulled her hand away and put it on top of Lorelai's.

"How are you?" Rory asked her mother. "You don't seem to be okay." She lowered her voice and tried to look into Lorelai's eyes but she didn't meet her gaze.

"I um…" Lorelai let out a breath. "I've been having a reoccurring nightmare."

"Oh." Rory said softly. "Is it bad…? I mean it must be bad, you're up in the middle of the night and it's happened more than once."

"Yeah… um well in the nightmare, you me and your grandma and grandpa are all in the car and when I take my eyes off the road for a second, we go off a cliff. Then I wake up in the hospital and… and Luke tells me that all three of you have died." Lorelai spoke slowly.

"Oh Mom, that's awful." Rory whispered.

Lorelai didn't say anything. It was silent for a minute before Rory spoke again.

"Did you tell Luke about it?" Rory questioned.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't know, hon. Maybe I feel like he won't be able to help me… let's face it, all he can do is comfort me but it's not like the nightmare became a reality." Lorelai sighed. "I just don't know why this is happening. Did Dad's death make me afraid of death in general? Am I afraid I'm going to lose the rest of my family?"

Rory didn't know how to respond. "I just think it will get better in time… we need time." She bit her lip, thinking she had said the wrong thing.

It was silent again and they heard Luke coming down the stairs. He entered the kitchen and looked at Lorelai than Rory.

"What are you two doing up? Couldn't sleep?" He asked.

Lorelai and Rory both shook their heads. Luke took a seat at the table.

"I'm gonna try to get some sleep." Rory stood up. She gave Lorelai a look that said 'tell him about your nightmare.' "Goodnight Luke." She touched Lorelai's shoulder before she left the room, "Night Mom."

"Night Rory," Luke and Lorelai said simultaneously.

Luke reached out and rubbed Lorelai's arm. "I'm worried about you." He admitted.

"Let's go back to bed. I'll try to get some sleep." Lorelai said. She got up quickly and headed upstairs.

Luke sighed and followed her back to the bedroom. Once they were settled back in bad, Lorelai turned to face him. She touched his arm, her fingers running up and down it gently.

"I'm not okay… you're right to be worried." She told him, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Is this about the nightmare you had before?"

Lorelai nodded.

"Tell me about it." He ran his hand down the length of her hair.

"Well… we were driving in a car, me, Rory and my parents. And I took my eyes off the road for one second, Rory screamed then we went flying off a cliff… and it ended with me waking up in the hospital and you telling me that they had all died." Lorelai took a shaky breath.

"Oh Lorelai," Luke said gently.

"And I just had the same nightmare tonight."

Luke pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I don't know why… why did I have this nightmare twice? It must mean something."

"I don't know." He whispered.

"I mean Dad died of cancer but in my nightmare everyone but me died in a car accident and you were the only person I had…" She stopped and gazed at Luke in the dark. "Am I scared that every one of my relatives is going to die?"

"They won't." Luke tried to assure her.

"You don't know that. Anything could happen."

"I think you… just need more time to heal. Everything's going to be fine." He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer.

Lorelai didn't believe him. But she didn't tell him that. She felt so strange. Losing her father had affected her deeply. More than she thought it would if she was being honest with herself. It wasn't that their relationship was bad. It had grown deeper over the years as Richard and Emily both came to understand why Lorelai had to leave home all those years ago.

Lorelai's relationship with both of her parents had really improved during the past few years. Although they still had disagreements and the occasional outburst, things had been better than they ever were. But Richard's sickness and ultimately his death had made Lorelai feel regretful, she realized. She wished they had had more time together. More time to mend their relationship, to make it more like a normal father/daughter relationship.

 _I'm not sure that would have been possible._ Lorelai thought to herself.

She brought herself back to the present and pressed her face into Luke's chest before she kissed him on the lips.

Luke kissed her back, but he was the one who pulled away. He gazed at her, his face etched with concern.

Lorelai gave him a sweet smile and kissed him again. She was trying to distract herself. She knew Luke would always be there for her. He was her rock and though it felt like he couldn't make things right at the moment, he could still make her feel better. Making love with him comforted her. She guessed that was because it was a way to show him that she loved and appreciated him. It was comforting to have someone to share such a deep connection with. Luke was the one man in her life who was a constant and she felt like she needed to let him know that her love for him would never fade.

They kissed passionately and Luke took the lead, sensing that she needed physical comfort. He held himself above her and kissed her lips then her cheek then her temple before moving his lips to her neck. She ran her hands up and down his back, letting him know that she appreciated the fact that he didn't object to comforting her in this way. They took their time, making love slowly.

* * *

Afterwards, they both feel into a deep sleep. Lorelai managed to get three more hours of sleep before she woke up. The day before, she had decided that she would go back to the Inn today. She would try to focus on work, but she wasn't sure if her thoughts of Richard would distract her or not. She would have to wait and see if she could handle going back to work.

Rory decided to come along to see Sookie and Michel. She wouldn't be leaving again for another few days. Luke woke up before Lorelai and left a note for her. It said to call him on his cellphone if she needed anything.

At first, Lorelai easily fell back into her routine. It was as if she had never taken a leave of absence at all. After lunch however, thoughts of Richard struck her. As she was making the rounds of the Inn, checking on things, she was reminded of Richard. She was remembered when he came there for an insurance matter. _Stop thinking, just get back to work._ She told herself.

An hour later, when Rory was planning on heading back home, she went looking for Lorelai. Michel told her that Lorelai was in her office. Rory walked to the office and found the door closed. She knocked.

"Mom? Are you in there?"

Rory heard a noise that sounded like something falling.

"Mom? I'm coming in." Rory turned the handle but it wouldn't budge. The door was locked.

"Mom? The door is locked… can you let me in?"

"I just… need a minute, sweets. You can head home. I'll see you later."

Rory was worried. She didn't head home.

"I'm staying here until you come out."

"Rory no, please… you don't have to do that. I'll be fine. I'll get back to work soon."

Rory didn't reply. She just stood outside the office and leaned against the wall. She allowed Lorelai some time to herself. Ten minutes of silence passed and Rory was still concerned. She decided to call Luke. Maybe he could help.

She called Luke's cell phone and he picked up on the second ring.

"Rory? Hey. Are you okay?"

"Hey Luke, I'm fine but I don't think Mom is."

"What do you mean?"

"She won't come out of her office and I think she might be having some sort of a breakdown or something…" Rory's voice broke. "I don't know. I just… can you come here?"

"Of course, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thanks Luke."

"There's no need to thank me." Luke hung up before Rory could respond. She assumed that he would get out of the diner as fast as he could. She prayed that he would be able to help Lorelai.

* * *

 **Author's note: Thank you for reading. Reviews are appreciated.**


	5. Chapter 5

Luke drove to the Dragonfly as fast as he could without breaking any speeding laws. When he arrived, he sped walk past the front desk despite Michel's protests.

When he saw Rory standing outside the office he let out a sigh, "Is she still in there?" He asked.

"Oh I didn't think you'd get here so fast." Rory said. She frowned and looked down. "She's still in there. I don't know what to do."

"I'll try talking to her." Luke said in a low voice. He stepped up to the closed door and knocked softly. "Lorelai? It's me."

"Luke?... did Rory call you?" Lorelai responded.

"Yeah… can you come out please? We're uh… we're worried about you." Luke pressed his hand to the door.

Lorelai didn't respond but they heard her moving. The door opened a couple minutes later.

Luke and Rory let out a sigh of relief. They looked at Lorelai and saw that there were tear streaks on her face.

"Mom," Rory said gently as she approached her. She pulled her into a gentle hug.

Lorelai took a second to hug her daughter back. She held on tightly and waited for tears that wouldn't come. She had cried enough.

"You can't do that… scare us like that." Rory said bluntly, but her voice was low enough for only Lorelai to hear.

"I'm sorry hon… I just don't know how to handle this… I'm kind of lost."

"We all are. It's okay. You can talk to us." Rory whispered.

Lorelai let Rory hold her for a couple minutes. She really did feel lost and she didn't know how to fix that, if she could fix that. She didn't know how to let herself heal. Everything was just so complicated.

When Rory let go of Lorelai, Luke came over and wrapped an arm around Lorelai. She sighed softly and fell into his embrace. He rubbed her back and held her close. When she pulled back a little, he left his hand on her back and pressed a quick kiss to her temple.

Lorelai took a deep breath. "I um was just remembering how Dad came here to help me with some insurance stuff and then I just… got emotional. It's still hard to believe that I'll never see him again. And I feel like I never really thanked him for all he did for me. All I really did was disagree with him and upset him."

Rory's brow furrowed. "What? No Mom. Your relationship was so much more than that. I know he loved you and he was proud of you. You loved him too and although you two didn't always see eye to eye, he was still proud to call you his daughter."

Lorelai gave Rory a tiny smile. She really wanted to believe what she was saying. She knew Rory wouldn't lie.

Luke glanced between Rory and Lorelai. "I should uh be heading back to the diner… the lunch rush. But if you need me I'll stay."

Lorelai shook her head. "I'll be okay." She reached out to him and he gave her a quick hug.

She kissed him softly. "Thank you." She whispered.

Luke just nodded. He was still a little concerned but he decided to talk to her tonight. He would try not to push her but he knew she needed to stop concealing her emotions. He turned around and walked out of the room and the Inn.

Rory stayed at the Inn for another half hour while Lorelai calmed down. She did feel better; there was just something that felt off. She still felt a little lost.

* * *

Later that day, when Lorelai was done her shift, she returned home and took Paul Anka for a walk. Rory was spending time at Lane and Zack's place, catching up with them and their sons.

When Lorelai got back to the house, Luke was walking up the driveway.

"Hey handsome, you're home early." Lorelai called out as she approached him.

They met on the porch and Luke gave her a quick kiss before Paul Anka pressed his nose to his leg, wanting his attention.

"Augh, what do you want, mutt?" Luke tried to sound annoyed but the truth was he had come to like the canine.

"He just wants to show his daddy that he loves him." Lorelai said gently.

Luke just rolled his eyes. Then his expression changed. "Lorelai," His tone was flat.

Lorelai took a few seconds to bring her gaze to his. She looked at him without saying anything, urged him to speak.

"We need to talk." He said.

Lorelai nodded slowly. She knew he was still worried about her. _Maybe talking to him will help me._ She thought. But she wasn't sure if he could help her or if she needed professional help or if things would just get better as more time passed.

They stepped inside, Paul Anka trailing behind them slowly. Luke gestured for her to sit on the couch. She did. He took a seat next to her, close enough to touch her.

"Was the diner dead?" She asked, wondering why he was home early.

"No, not really, I left Cesar in charge." He reached out and tapped her knee. "We really need to talk about what you're going through." He sighed softly. "I feel like I haven't been able to help you with your grief but I understand what it's like… to lose a parent." He stopped, feeling a little choked up.

"I know hon, but it's different for me." Lorelai replied.

Luke frowned. "How is it different? Because you're older than I was?"

"No, because you were close with your dad, my dad and I weren't close."

"Oh," Luke said softly. He didn't really know how to respond to that. He had heard Rory tell her that Richard was proud of her. Maybe they weren't as close as a normal father and daughter, but they were fine, at least he thought so.

"And I just… I don't know I'm uh, feeling guilty. I wish we could have been closer because now he's gone and I just have this regret." Her voice broke.

"Hey shh," Luke's arm came around her and he held her to his side, her head rested on his shoulder. "You can't live like that. You have to be grateful for the time you had with him. And uh I know your relationship with him, with both of your parents has improved over the years… so you shouldn't feel guilty."

Lorelai pulled away from him. "You can't tell me how to feel, Luke." She raised her voice.

"I'm just trying to help." He kept his voice calm.

"I'm sorry, but you're not helping." She said a little too harshly.

"Lorelai," He grunted. "It kills me to see you like this."

She let out a breath and moved closer to him. "I know and I'm sorry… I just don't how to feel right now. My emotions are everywhere." She reached out and touched his cheek.

"I know and I want you to be able to talk to me. Maybe I can't do anything to help, I don't know." He said in a low voice.

"Maybe not," She whispered.

"What about Rory?" He asked suddenly.

"Rory?"

"Can she help you?"

"Having Rory home has helped me a little, but I still feel… off, strange. I don't know how to fix it. I still feel regretful even though I know Dad loved me and we were closer than we had ever been during my adult life when he died." Lorelai admitted.

Luke nodded. "But you still feel like you let him down somehow?"

"Yeah," She whispered. "He loves Rory so much and I… I really wish I could have given him another grandchild to be proud of."

Luke was speechless. She hadn't talked about having another kid in years. Not since the last time they tried for a baby. It had been years.

"Lorelai, I… I thought you had come to accept-" He stopped. He knew talking about it would do nothing to help Lorelai feel better.

Lorelai started to cry, the tears falling down her face at a fast pace. "Everything is just… it feels like it's all falling apart. My mom's a mess, Rory and I are lost and this has brought up awful memories from years ago." She sobbed.

Luke pulled her to him again and held her tightly. She pressed her face into his chest and let her tears soak his shirt.

He vowed to hold her until she stopped crying. He promised himself that he would make sure that she would get the help she needed.

* * *

 **Author's note: The next chapter will include a flashback (I bet you're wondering about Lorelai's comment on not being able to give Richard another grandchild and about L/L trying for a kid) I've got this flashback planned, it's going to be sad though so prepare yourselves…  
Thank you for reading reviewing, favoriting and following this story. I hope you like this chapter. Please feel free to leave a review or constructive criticism. **


	6. Chapter 6

2008- 7 Years Ago

Today was the day. Luke was going to propose. He was finally going to ask Lorelai to marry him. He knew he was ready, that _they_ were ready. They got back together shortly after Rory left Stars Hollow for the Obama campaign trail. They had spent a week having conversations about their mistakes, their feelings and about how they needed things to work this time.

Things were going great between them. They were happier than they had even been before. The year apart had really helped them. They knew that they were meant to be together. Although they had only talked about marriage briefly since getting back together, Luke knew Lorelai wanted to get married. The previous broken engagement wouldn't change that… would it? He had very little doubt.

Luke had planned to propose at Sniffy's. It was a special place for them. It was where they went on their first official date. He had also taken her here for their first date after they had gotten back together last year. He wasn't sure if she would want such a public proposal but he had talked to Maisy beforehand and she thought it was a great idea. She was very excited.

Luke felt nervous, but he was pretty sure that she would say yes. They had agreed to meet at Sniffy's after she was finished work. Luke left Caesar in charge of the diner and he got to Sniffy's a half hour early. He anxiously waited for her to arrive.

Lorelai was a little late.

"Sorry hon. I had to finish up some paperwork." She said as he stood to greet her. She gave him a quick kiss then took a seat across from him in the booth.

"That's okay." He smiled softly.

She smiled back. "Did you see Maisy?"

"Yeah, she and Bud are going to come out later." He told her.

Lorelai picked up the glass of champagne that was in front of her and then put it back down. "And I assume you already ordered?"

Luke nodded.

Lorelai looked around the room. She lowered her voice, "I need to tell you something."

Luke's brow furrowed. "What is it? Is Rory okay?"

Lorelai smiled, she was touched that he was immediately concerned about Rory. "Rory's fine. This isn't about her… not really."

Luke frowned. "Just tell me if something's wrong, I can handle it."

Lorelai took a breath. "It's not anything wrong… at least I don't think so." She met his gaze. "I'm pregnant."

"What?" Luke said.

Lorelai wasn't sure if he hadn't heard her. "I'm pregnant, with child, we're having a baby, your sperm met my egg and created new life… I don't know any other way I can say it."

"How?" Luke asked.

"Well remember when I changed my birth control prescription and we uh didn't use a condom or anything… a few weeks ago?" Lorelai said slowly.

"Um yeah but you said n-"

She cut him off, "Well it turns out the odds were more in our favor than not… I mean that is if you're happy about this."

"What? Lorelai, of course I'm happy. How did you find out? Did you see a doctor already?"

"Um no. I just took a test, two tests actually. Sookie convinced me. They were both positive." She smiled. "We're having a baby."

Luke smiled back. He suddenly remembered that he was going to propose. "I uh, why did you tell me here… in public?" He questioned.

"I just wanted to tell you as soon as I could and in person. I knew you would want to know right away." She thought about how Anna had kept her pregnancy and the existence of April a secret and she knew she would never want to keep something that huge from him for longer than necessary. There was that time where she had thought she might be pregnant but she didn't tell him because she wasn't sure how he'd react. But that had turned out to be a false alarm anyway.

Luke nodded slowly. He stood up abruptly. "Come here." He said, holding out his arms.

Lorelai grinned and stood up, walked into his warm embrace.

He held her close and whispered in her ear, "I'm so happy." He said to assure her.

She kissed the spot below his ear. "I'm so happy too." She whispered.

There weren't many people in the tavern so almost no one was looking their way. Lorelai pulled back a little and kissed him twice.

They sat back down and their meals came a couple minutes later. They didn't talk through dinner. They just occasionally stole glances at each other and shared smiles. Luke didn't propose that night. The news of the pregnancy had thrown him off and he thought it wouldn't be the right moment to propose. Before they left Sniffy's, he told Maisy that he wasn't going to propose that night and she dragged the pregnancy news out of him. He admitted that he wasn`t sure if Lorelai would want to plan a wedding while pregnant.

* * *

When they got home that night, Luke and Lorelai sat down to talk. They had talked about having kids before and had decided that if it was meant to happen, then it would happen. Lorelai had stated that she would prefer to be married first but she wouldn't be upset if she happened to get pregnant before marriage. She told Luke that when he felt ready, he could propose. She didn't want to steal his thunder this time. But she was also wary about marriage. Maybe it would be better if they were just together without being married.

"So, this wasn't exactly planned." Lorelai muttered.

"It's okay. I think we can handle it." Luke said slowly.

"Yeah, I know we can… I'm just still kind of in shock. I never thought I would get pregnant at this age. It's been almost twenty five years since I was pregnant with Rory."

"It's going to be different this time." Luke said, implying that things would be easier this time around since she had a steady income and a supportive partner.

"I know but my parents will still be apprehensive, I can just imagine what my mother will say: 'Another child out of wedlock and at your age, Lorelai?'" Lorelai sighed heavily. "I say we don't tell them until I start showing."

"Yeah, okay." Luke said in a low voice.

"You okay?" Lorelai asked. She put and hand on his knee.

Luke pressed his lips together. "I'm fine… I was wondering um what the plan is exactly?"

"The plan?"

"Did you want to get married… before you have the baby?" He said slowly.

"Oh… um no actually," Lorelai didn't look at him.

"Oh." He whispered. He tried not to sound too disappointed.

Lorelai rubbed his knee. "I don't know, it just feels like this isn't the right time to get married. We've got months to prepare for the baby but there's something else…" She frowned and looked at him. She had trouble putting her feelings into words.

"Are you having doubts about us?" Luke asked hesitantly.

"No, no hon." She patted his knee. "I'm happy and we're good but maybe marriage isn't for us?" She questioned, thinking about it silently.

Luke was quiet for a minute. "Maybe we just need to focus on right now. Focus on making sure you have a healthy pregnancy. I get that you're feeling a little wary because of what happened before." He put his hand on top of hers. "We don't need to get married if you feel like you aren't ready or if you just feel like we don't need to be married."

Lorelai nodded. "We haven't talked about this much… but yeah, I don't want to get married right now. I really am happy just being with you. I guess I am apprehensive because of what happened before. But I am sure that you're the one for me." She looked at him, anxious to hear his response.

Luke took a few seconds to reply. "Okay." He met her gaze. "I'm fine with that." He took her hand and gave it a little squeeze. "And you're the only for me too. I'm happy with the way things are right now, really."

Lorelai nodded. She gave him a small smile. "I'm glad to hear that." She leaned in closer. He met her halfway and they shared a sweet kiss. When he pulled back, he placed a hand on her abdomen. She smiled again and wondered if he was going to talk to the baby.

Luke's thumb caressed Lorelai's belly for a few seconds before he pulled his hand away. They sat in a comfortable silence for a couple minutes.

"Hey." Luke said gently.

"Hmm?" Lorelai looked at him.

"I love you."

She grinned. "I love you too babe."

He pulled her back to him and they kissed passionately.

* * *

A couple weeks later, Lorelai finally had a doctor's appointment to ensure that the baby was healthy and to get her prenatal vitamins prescribed. Luke wanted to come with her so he left Zach and Caesar in charge and took an early lunch.

As they ultrasound technician rubbed the wand over Lorelai's belly, she frowned. Luke noticed this.

"Is something wrong?" He asked.

The technician looked at the OBGYN who rushed over to Lorelai's side. The OBGYN gently took the wand from the ultrasound tech and moved it over Lorelai's belly.

"Please just tell us if something is wrong." Lorelai whispered.

The OBGYN looked down before she met Lorelai's eyes, "I'm sorry. There's no heartbeat."

"N… no heartbeat. You mean the baby is… gone?" Luke said slowly.

"I was bleeding… spotting this morning. I thought I was okay. He's really gone? Just like that?" Lorelai said. She had thought the baby was a boy.

"I'm very sorry." The OBGYN said sympathetically. She glanced at the ultrasound technician who nodded. "We'll give you a few minutes alone. I'm going to need to schedule you for a D and C… today if possible."

"Okay." Lorelai said flatly.

The two women left the room quietly, leaving Lorelai and Luke in a silent room. Lorelai sighed softly and reached out for some tissue. They had forgotten to give her some. She wiped the gel off her stomach then pulled her shirt back down.

Lorelai took a deep breath. "So, over twenty years ago I had an unplanned, healthy kid and now when I really want a baby I can't have one?"

"Lorelai," Luke whispered.

"I mean I love Rory to death and I couldn't imagine life without her of course… but I just also wanted this baby. I really did I…" She sobbed.

"I know." Luke said as he moved over to the bed. He sat on the bed and hesitated before he leaned in and kissed Lorelai's forehead then her cheek.

She leaned her head on his shoulder for a second before she said:

"I'm ready for the D and C."

"You sure?"

"I have to get it over with." She muttered.

"Okay." Luke pressed another kiss to her forehead. He left the room without another word.

Later, when they returned home, Lorelai stood in the entryway and looked around. Luke stepped behind her and followed her gaze. She walked over to a chair, where pair of booties that she had started knitting were sitting. She sighed heavily and sat down.

"I guess I shouldn't have started making these." She said in a low voice.

"Come here." Luke murmured, as he came to stand in front of her chair.

Lorelai shook her head and looked away from him.

"Hey." He said gently.

She slowly brought her gaze to his.

"You can't just keep your emotions to yourself. I-… it was my baby too. We're both grieving and we need to… I just want to comfort you." Luke said gruffly.

Lorelai's expression softened. Her heart did break for him. She wanted to give him a baby. She wanted him to experience being a father from the beginning. She just wanted to this baby, she really did. But she knew her pain was different than his. The baby was growing inside of her , and then suddenly it wasn't. She would never get to feel him or her kick, or get to see whether he or she looked more like Luke or herself.

"Luke I…" She sobbed.

"I know."

He urged her to stand and she did. He reached out and pulled her to him. She sighed and relaxed in his embrace.

When he didn't pull away a couple minutes later, she whispered, "Hon? Are you?"

Luke sniffed and Lorelai could tell that he was crying. She put one hand on the back of his head and he pressed his face into her neck. He tightened his hold of her and she started rubbing his back.

They held each other for a long time. Luke was the one to pull back, and he did so only slightly. He leaned back in and kissed her softly. Lorelai kissed him back before she rested her forehead against his.

"Everything's going to be okay." He whispered.

"I don't know about that." She whispered back.

He would do everything in his power to make sure they would overcome this loss. The pain might never go away, but he needed to make sure that she would smile again. He couldn't bear the thought of never seeing her light up again.

* * *

 **Author's note: This is very sad and maybe a dumb reason (one of the reasons I can see) why they never got married but I can picture it. I apologize if this hits close to home for some.**

 **I don't think Luke and Lorelai will have any kids in the revival, but I want to believe that they still wanted kids and that they tried to have a baby.**

 **Please feel free to share your thoughts on this chapter. The next one will go back to 2015. Thank you for reading.**


	7. Chapter 7

Present Day (2015)

Lorelai and Rory decided to visit Emily the next day. Rory would be going back to work in a couple days and she didn't want to leave without making sure Emily was okay. Or at least see that she was as okay as she could be given the circumstances. Lorelai also wanted to visit Emily. She was worried about her. Being in that large house all by herself must be lonely, she thought. They had talked on the phone every night, but Lorelai needed to see her in person.

The night Lorelai had her breakdown; she Rory and Luke had watched a movie after she had calmed down. She felt at ease, doing something that was normal. It was relaxing. After the movie was over and Luke went to bed, Lorelai opened up to Rory. She told her how she regretted all of years where her relationship with him was rough. Rory listened and she told Lorelai the same thing Luke told her, that she should be grateful for the time that had with Richard. She knew why Lorelai was feeling that way, but she also knew that Richard had loved Lorelai deeply.

Rory understood that Richard's death was harder on Lorelai because they weren't close. Although Rory's relationship with Christopher wasn't perfect, she was comfortable with the way it was now. She didn't have any regrets and she was thankful for that. She also had Luke, who was like a second father to her. Rory couldn't exactly relate to Lorelai's regret, but she encouraged her to talk about it and she listened intently.

Lorelai had the exact same nightmare again. She didn't wake Luke or Rory. Although they would both be a comfort to her, she didn't want to bother them. She managed to calm herself down and get a few hours of sleep.

* * *

Luke joined Lorelai and Rory for dinner at the Gilmore residence. They were mostly silent as they ate; only discussing common topics like how the Dragonfly was doing, Rory's career and the weather. Lorelai noticed that Emily kept glancing at Richard's chair.

After dinner, Lorelai hovered around Emily.

"Lorelai? Is something wrong?"

"I just wanted to know if we're having dessert tonight." Lorelai answered.

"Of course we are. You can sit back down." Emily said quietly.

Rory glanced between them. "What's for dessert, Grandma?"

Emily gave her a small smile. "Apple pie,"

Rory smiled back. Lorelai and Luke were whispering to each other. Luke had also noticed that Emily was looking at Richard's chair.

The cook brought out two plates at a time. Once she had left the room, Lorelai spoke:

"Hey Mom, um… I was wondering, are you doing okay? I mean I know you're not okay given the circumstances but you must… feel so alone in this huge house."

"I… like I said before, I'm doing the best I can. I suppose I feel lonely sometimes." Emily bit her lip. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I care Mom," Lorelai said simply.

Rory finished chewing then swallowed. "I'm going back to work soon and I want to know that you and Mom are both okay. I worry about both of you and I've talked to Mom a lot… I want you to talk to us too, tell us how you're feeling."

Emily nodded. "I want to know how you're feeling too." She looked at Rory, then Lorelai. "Why don't we talk after we finish eating?"

"Okay." Lorelai said softly.

They moved to the living room after they finished dessert. Lorelai sat next to Luke and Rory sat next to Emily.

Lorelai let out a breath. Luke squeezed her knee. "Mom, I have to tell you something."

Emily's brow furrowed, "What is it? Are you all right?"

"Well… I've been having a reoccurring nightmare. I think it has something to with Dad… it's like my mind is trying to tell me something."

"Tell you something?"

"In the nightmare, we're all in a car, you me, Dad and Rory. I'm driving. When I take my eyes off the road for a second, Rory screams and the car it uh it goes off a cliff." Lorelai described the nightmare. She closed her eyes for a second then looked at Emily. Luke's hand rested on her thigh.

"And then what happened?" Emily seemed to be concerned.

"I wake up in the hospital and Luke." Lorelai stopped. Rory made a noise. Lorelai glanced at her. Rory gave her an encouraging nod, seeming to have changed her mind.

"And Luke tells me that you all died in the crash." Lorelai finished. She didn't take her eyes off Emily, waiting for her reaction.

"Oh Lorelai, that's terrible." Emily said gently.

It was silent for about a minute.

Luke cleared his throat. "I suggested that Lorelai get some professional help, like from a grief counselor."

Lorelai nodded. She didn't say anything. She wanted to hear what Emily thought of that.

"Oh." Emily met Lorelai's gaze. "Are you going to go?"

"I think we should all go. Or just you and me since Rory is leaving soon."

Rory touched Emily's shoulder. "I think you two could really benefit from this. And I think I'll find a grief counselor in London too."

Emily blinked. Rory noticed tears in her eyes.

"I don't know… do I really want to talk about my husband with a stranger?" Emily questioned.

"Don't knock it until you try it." Lorelai said.

Emily frowned at her.

Lorelai sighed softly. "I just think a professional could help us. I mean you're not having the same terrible nightmare over and over again like I am but you're not okay. I know you aren't, so don't tell me you are." There was a bit of edge to her voice.

"I just need more time." Emily said quietly.

"Grandma… can you at least give this a try, for me?" Rory asked. "For us," She added after she looked at Lorelai.

Emily took a few seconds to respond, "All right." She whispered.

"Thank you." Rory said.

Emily smiled softly. She turned to Lorelai, "Will you make the appointment for us?"

"Yes." Lorelai answered simply.

"And you'll call me when you have the date?"

"Of course," Lorelai replied.

"All right then, that's settled,"

It was silent again. Luke patted Lorelai's knee, letting her know that he supported her.

"Okay, so we should head back home now… unless there's anything else…" Lorelai said slowly.

"No, nothing else," Emily replied quickly.

Lorelai frowned. She hoped that Emily would open up more. She was a little worried that the grief counsellor may not be able to help either Emily or herself.

Rory stood up. Emily followed. Rory embraced her grandmother.

"Everything's going to be okay. It might take a while, but we'll all be okay." Rory whispered into Emily's ear.

Emily held on tight to Rory. "Thank you." She whispered back.

Rory pulled back. "Love you Grandma. I'll come see you before I head back."

"I love you too Rory." Emily said.

Luke and Lorelai also stood and the four of them walked to the front door.

"You call me if you need anything, or if you just want to talk." Lorelai told Emily.

"I know, I will." Emily replied. Lorelai had told her this before.

Emily looked at Luke, "Luke can I speak to you alone for a moment?"

Luke was surprised. "Uh sure," He gestured to the living room.

"Meet you in the car." Lorelai said.

Luke nodded and followed Emily into the room.

"Luke, I'm going to be honest with you."

"Okay."

"I'm worried about the girls…more about Lorelai after hearing about her nightmare. How does she seem to you?"

Luke sighed. "She's not okay."

"I had feared that. I knew she wouldn't tell me how she was really feeling."

"It's not that…" Luke met Emily's gaze. "Lorelai doesn't want anyone to worry about her. She worries about others but she's stubborn, you know."

"She seems to be worried about me. But I'm not having nightmares."

"We're all concerned about each other." Luke admitted. "Lorelai is coping as best she can." He coughed awkwardly. "I'm trying to comfort her but I'm not sure it's working."

Emily looked away. "I'm sure you're helping her, but you're right, she can be stubborn."

"Yeah," Luke said gently. "I do think a grief counselor may be able to help. I saw one after my mother died, when I was a kid."

Emily nodded. "All right. Thank you for speaking with me, Luke."

"No problem."

"And thank you for taking care of Lorelai and Rory." Emily said in a low voice.

Luke smiled. "You're welcome."

Luke turned to leave.

"Drive safely." Emily called out to him.

Luke turned around and gave her a small nod.

* * *

In the Jeep, Luke got in the driver side and started it. Lorelai was in the passenger seat, Rory in the back. Lorelai asked him to drive.

Luke asked if they wanted to stop by the diner for coffee.

"We've got coffee at home." Lorelai murmured.

"I think I'll just go to bed when we get home." Rory said. "Catch up on some reading."

"All right," Luke said a little sadly.

"What did my mom want?" Lorelai asked.

"She was concerned about you."

"Oh." Lorelai looked down and smiled softly. It was good to hear that.

They didn't speak for the rest of the drive.

* * *

A few hours later, Luke and Lorelai were fast asleep. It was almost sunrise when Lorelai woke. She sat up straight and took a few deep breaths. The nightmare happened again.

She decided to wake Luke this time. She poked and pushed him gently until he groaned.

"Sorry babe." She whispered, "I had the nightmare again." Her voice broke.

Luke's back was to her and he turned so fast she gasped.

Lorelai pressed her lips together and furrowed her brow. "Why does this keeping happening?" She asked although she knew he didn't have the answer.

"We'll find out. "Luke said gruffly.

Lorelai looked into his eyes. She could tell that he was concerned. She shifted closer to him.

"Hold me." She whispered.

She had never said that before. She usually just fell into his arms or he pulled her to him.

His arms came around her. She laid her head on his chest, pressed her face into it.

He rubbed her back. She coughed and started sobbing.

"Lorelai,"

"…Lorelai,"

He had to say her name a third time before she lifted her head.

"Promise me that you'll call a grief counselor tomorrow." He reached up and cupped her cheek.

She sniffled. "I promise." She lied her head back down on his chest.

He put his hand on top of her head and rubbed her back again.

She fell asleep ten minutes later. He stayed awake and tried not to move. She needed sleep and he didn't want to wake her the later hours of the morning.

Luke's mind flashed back to seven years ago when they lost their baby. Lorelai didn't have nightmares then, but she became depressed. He promised himself that he would do everything in his power to prevent her from becoming that way again. This was a different situation of course, but Luke couldn't bear the thought of seeing her depressed again.

* * *

 **Author's note: Thank you for reading, following favouriting and reviewing this story. Reviews are very much appreciated.**


	8. Chapter 8

2008- 7 Years Ago

 _Five days had passed since the miscarriage. Lorelai had not gone back to work since and Luke was planning on going back to the diner today. He opened his eyes and was silently relieved when he saw that Lorelai was asleep next to him. She had had trouble sleeping for the past few days and was usually awake before him._

 _Luke got out of bed slowly and carefully. He walked into to the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Fifteen minutes later, he returned to the bedroom to find Lorelai awake. She was just sitting in bed, not doing anything. When he opened the dresser drawer, she turned to him._

 _Luke gave her a small smile. "Morning,"_

" _Morning," She said, her voice toneless._

 _Luke got dressed without saying a word. He sat on the bed to put his socks on. Once he had his socks on, he gestured for Lorelai to sit next to him. She moved._

" _So uh I was thinking, maybe I should take the morning off and we could go out and do something." He said._

" _Do something? Like what?" Lorelai asked._

" _Like go for a walk or take a drive somewhere."_

" _I don't feel like it." Lorelai said in a low voice._

" _Lorelai," Luke said warily._

 _She looked at him._

" _You can't stay at home all day every day."_

 _She glared at him. "I told you that I'm going back to work tomorrow."_

" _I know but you've barely gone outside in the past few days and that's not healthy. You need fresh air."_

" _I just…" Lorelai bit her lip. "…need time, I told you that."_

 _Luke sighed. "Okay."_

" _You can go to the diner today, I'll be fine, I promise."_

 _Luke nodded. "Just call if you want to talk, it doesn't matter how busy the diner is, I'll answer."_

" _Okay." Lorelai whispered._

 _Luke stood up abruptly. "Come here." He murmured, holding his arms out._

 _Lorelai got off the bed and walked into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his shoulder._

 _When she started to pull away, he pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head. She let go of him and met his gaze._

 _He brought his hand up to her face and caressed her cheek with his thumb, "I love you." He whispered._

" _I love you too." She whispered back._

 _He leaned in and gave her a lingering kiss._

" _Bye." He said._

" _Bye."_

 _Luke turned and walked out of the bedroom._

 _Lorelai sighed heavily and sat back down on the bed. She stared at her cellphone which was sitting on the nightstand. Picking it up, she turned the screen on and saw that it was seven thirty. She decided to call Rory._

 _Rory picked up after the second ring. "Hi Mom,"_

" _Hey kid. How's it going?"_

" _Fine. I'm just finishing breakfast."_

 _Lorelai didn't respond._

" _Mom? How are you?" Rory asked._

" _I'm fine."_

" _Are you really?" Rory was obviously not convinced._

" _Um well I am sitting in bed and staying at home today." Lorelai told her._

" _Mom," Rory said gently._

" _I'm sorry hon."_

" _Why are you sorry?"_

" _Because I'm upset over losing someone I never knew and I… I already have a great kid, it's not like I needed another one." Lorelai said in a low voice._

" _What? Mom that's crazy. You can grieve however you want and however long you want. You may have never got to see my brother or sister, but he or she still existed. It's totally okay for you to mourn." Rory took a breath. "And I know how much you and Luke wanted another kid. April and I know that this kid wouldn't replace us or anything. You wanted a kid with Luke, you didn't need one, you wanted one and that's fine."_

" _I know you're right but…" Lorelai sighed. "Why does it seem like Luke is over it and I'm taking forever to heal?"_

" _I'm sure Luke is still grieving too, he just tends to keep his feelings to himself." Rory stated._

" _Well he went back to the diner today."_

" _It's different for him since he wasn't the one who was pregnant." Rory said with a little laugh. She was trying to make Lorelai smile although she couldn't see her._

" _True." Lorelai said. She smiled then frowned. "Were you and April really okay with Luke and I having another kid?" There wasn't any time to talk about everything before the miscarriage. Only Luke, Rory, April and Sookie knew about the pregnancy._

" _Yes, of course we were." Rory answered immediately. "We were just as excited as you were."_

" _Okay." Lorelai believed her. "Thanks for the talk sweets." She glanced at the clock. "Yikes, it's almost eight, you better getting going."_

" _Oh! Yeah I'm sorry I have to go!" Rory said quickly._

" _It's okay hon, really."_

" _We'll talk soon?"_

" _Yeah,"_

" _Okay. Bye. Love you. Tell Luke I say hi."_

" _I will. Love you too. Bye." Lorelai ended the call. She thought about what Rory said. It did seem like Luke was going through the grieving process much faster than she was. She need to talk to him, she decided. She knew that she wasn't being as open as she should, that she should stop avoiding the topic whenever it came up. They needed to talk about this._

* * *

 _When Luke arrived home, he found Lorelai sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee._

" _Hey." He greeted her with a small smile._

" _Hi." She tried to return the smile but failed._

 _Luke walked over to the table and leaned down to kiss her cheek. Then he walked over to the fridge and started pulling out ingredients for dinner._

" _Luke?"_

 _He stopped what he was doing. "Yeah?"_

" _Can we talk?"_

" _Oh. Uh sure," He finished getting the ingredients together then got a frying pan out and finally took a seat across from her._

" _Um… are you doing okay?" She asked him._

" _Me? I'm okay." He didn't meet her eye._

 _Lorelai reached out and he let her put her hand over his. "Luke." She said gently. "You can tell me you know, if you're not okay."_

 _Luke exhaled. He looked at Lorelai, "There was this couple in the diner today." He stopped._

 _Lorelai nodded, encouraging him to continue._

" _They had a baby with them, a young baby… and I just thought, that could be us, you know? If…" He stopped again and looked away._

 _Lorelai squeezed his hand. "Oh hon." She said sympathetically._

" _And I just um kind of got choked up. I had to go upstairs for a bit." Luke finished._

" _I'm sorry." Lorelai whispered. She started crying, tears ran down her face silently._

 _Luke looked up and noticed she was crying. He squeezed her hand and caressed the back of it. She pulled her hand away and quickly stood up. He frowned at her until she gestured for him to stand._

 _He stood. She stepped closer to him and reached out to pull him into her arms. It took a second for him to hug her back._

" _I'm sorry." She sobbed._

 _He held her tighter. "You have nothing to be sorry for."_

" _I'm sorry for being so selfish. I didn't realize you were still hurting too. I'm an idiot." Lorelai said._

" _You're not an idiot." He rubbed her back. "I understand why you acted the way you did and I didn't want to talk about my feelings so you couldn't have seen them. I was more concerned about you." Luke admitted. He realized that he had forced himself to forget about the pain. But when he saw that couple with the baby, it all came flooding back. The emotions hit him hard._

 _Lorelai pulled back a little and pressed gentle kisses all over his face. "Can we postpone dinner for a while?"_

" _Sure." He whispered._

 _She took his hand and led him upstairs. In the bedroom, they lied down on the bed and snuggled close together._

 _Lorelai started silently crying again. Luke tipped her chin up._

" _Are we going to be able to make it through this?" She asked._

" _We can." He said in a low voice._

" _How can you be so sure?"_

" _I just know." He said, his voice steady._

 _She believed him but she knew it would take a while. She laid next to him, remaining close._

 _After a few minutes of silence of both of them resting their eyes, Lorelai whispered:_

" _Luke?"_

" _Yeah?" He whispered back._

" _Is it okay if… if we don't try for another baby?"_

 _Luke drew a sharp breath. "Okay." He said simply._

" _Okay." She whispered. She pressed a kiss to his cheek then lied back down._

 _She had closed her eyes and he let her rest. When she was fast asleep, he got up._

* * *

Present Day-2015

On the day that Rory left Stars Hollow, she made Lorelai promise that she would see the grief counselor. The appointment was already made.

"I will." Lorelai promised. She glanced at Rory. "Pinky swear."

Rory smiled softly and held out her pinky finger. They pinky swore.

"Have a safe flight." Lorelai said.

Rory pulled her into a hug. "I'll call you when I get there."

"Okay." Lorelai held on for a few more seconds.

"Bye Mom." Rory pulled away.

"Bye hon." Lorelai quickly kissed Rory's forehead.

Rory turned around and walked towards security.

* * *

A week later, Lorelai and Emily went to the grief counselor. Everything was going fine until the counselor asked Lorelai about her relationship with Richard.

"Um… well we weren't very close."

"Lorelai moved out at very young age, she wanted to raise our granddaughter away from us." Emily spoke up.

"Yes, but over the years, we've gone through a lot of ups and downs and now-" Lorelai stopped.

"Now?" The counselor, Sarah prompted.

"Before he died, I thought we were at a good place but I still have this regret. For so many years, our relationship was awful." Lorelai explained.

"It wasn't _awful_." Emily said quietly.

They talked about Lorelai's relationship with her parents and how that made both her and Emily feel. After that, Sarah asked:

"Did you get a chance to say goodbye to your father, Lorelai?"

"Did I…" Lorelai trailed off,

"She didn't." Emily said abruptly.

Lorelai glowered at her. "I couldn't." She told Sarah.

"Why not?" Sarah asked gently.

"I didn't make it on time. I wasn't at the hospital when he passed. I got there too late." Lorelai said slowly.

* * *

 **Author's note: Cliff-hanger!  
Thanks for reading. Please feel free to leave a review. **


	9. Chapter 9

"I didn't make it on time. I wasn't at the hospital when he passed. I got there too late." Lorelai said slowly.

* * *

A Few Weeks Ago

 _The doctors said Richard had two more nights at the most. Emily, Lorelai and Rory had spent numerous nights at the hospital. The three of them were exhausted. Rory had fallen asleep on Lorelai's shoulder. Lorelai gently nudged her._

" _I'm up!" Rory exclaimed, sitting up._

 _Lorelai smiled softly. "Did you get a good rest?"_

 _Rory's brow furrowed. "I wasn't out for long, was I?"_

" _About half an hour," Lorelai replied._

" _Where's Grandma?" Rory asked._

" _She just went to the bathroom."_

" _Oh."_

" _Hey hon?" Lorelai said gently._

 _Rory looked at Lorelai._

" _While you were sleeping… Dr. Thompson came in and he told us that Grandpa might not make it through the night. He um suggested that we say our goodbyes the next time he wakes up."_

 _Rory's face dropped. "Oh."_

 _Lorelai wrapped her arm around Rory. "I know." She said. It would be hard for all them to say goodbye. They knew it was coming, but nothing could make it easy._

" _I'm going to get us some coffee from Luke's, okay?" Lorelai whispered._

" _Luke's? You can just get some from a vending machine here." Rory said._

" _Nah. Luke's is the best and I'm sick of the coffee here."_

" _But you might not be back on time." Rory mumbled._

" _I will. Don't you worry." Lorelai pushed a strand of Rory's hair off her face._

" _Okay." Rory sounded skeptical._

 _Lorelai kissed her daughter's forehead then stood up. With one last look at Rory and Richard, she left the hospital room._

 _Once Lorelai stepped outside the hospital, she took her cell phone out her bag and called Luke's cell._

 _He answered after the first ring, "Hey. Is everything okay?" His voice was calm._

" _No. Not exactly," Lorelai responded._

 _When she didn't elaborate, he asked how Richard was._

" _He might… he might be leaving us tonight. Dr. Thompson said he might not make it through the night." Lorelai's voice broke._

" _I'm sorry. Uh listen. I'm at Liz and TJ's so I can't come to the hospital right now."_

" _Oh. Why are you there?"_

" _I have to watch Doula. Their babysitter cancelled last minute and they're out on a date. I told them I'd look after Doula. I'm sure they'll understand and end their date early, I can come to the hospital as soon as I can."_

" _No, no that's okay. Stay with Doula for a while, you haven't seen much of her lately." Luke had been spending a lot of time at the hospital with the girls. "Did you leave Caesar in charge?" She asked._

" _Yeah, but I told him to close at nine." Luke informed her._

" _Oh." Lorelai pulled her cell phone away from her ear to check the time. It was just after eight. "Okay well, I'm gonna get a couple of coffees and then I'll close up for him."_

" _You're gonna drive all the way back to the diner?"_

" _Yep. I'll be fine."_

" _But are you gonna make it back on time for-"_

 _Lorelai cut him off, "I'll be quick, don't worry."_

" _Are you sure?" Luke sounded concerned._

" _I'm sure… I'll uh see you later?"_

" _Yeah, for sure," Luke said in a low voice._

" _Okay. Love you." Lorelai felt the need to say those words._

… _Love you too." Lorelai could hear the smile in Luke's voice._

" _Bye."_

" _Bye."_

 _Lorelai jogged through the parking lot to her Jeep. A little over half an hour later, she arrived at the diner. Caesar was cleaning the tables. Lorelai rushed over to him._

" _Hey Caesar, is there any coffee left?"_

" _Hey Lorelai. Yeah there's a fresh pot. I thought more customers would come but they didn't. It's all yours."_

" _Thanks." Lorelai went behind the counter and poured coffee into two to-go cups._

" _I'm finished here. Are you staying or can I close up?" Caesar asked politely._

" _Um, I could close up for you. Just leave the keys." Lorelai said slowly. She didn't know why she felt like staying._

" _Sure. Suit yourself." Caesar walked up to the counter and handed Lorelai the keys._

 _Lorelai took the keys and gave him a small smile. He left. Her mind was telling her to leave, to get back to the hospital as soon as possible, but her body wouldn't move. She took a seat at a table._

 _Lorelai crossed her arms on the table and rested her chin on top of them. Richard was 72, that was too young to die, she thought. Seeing someone so close to her battle cancer was frightening. She had looked up to Richard when she was younger. He had always seemed so strong. When he was diagnosed, she thought he would beat cancer. When he went into remission, she thought he would beat it. Sadly, his cancer came back._

 _Lorelai couldn't see herself saying goodbye to Richard. It was awful, but she really couldn't. She remembered when he was in the hospital fifteen years ago, around Christmastime. She kept on making excuses so that she wouldn't have to go in his room and see him in the hospital bed. She felt that way now. Lorelai didn't know how to talk to him, what to say._

 _Although she had seen him sick for months, saying goodbye was something very different. It was a lot harder. Lorelai couldn't imagine herself saying "I love you" although she did love her father. Their relationship wasn't that of a typical father and daughter and Lorelai couldn't even remember if she had ever said "I love you" to him._

 _She couldn't bear to see Richard take his last breaths. She realized that he could very well pass in his sleep, but there was no way of knowing that. She didn't want to see him in any more pain. Lorelai let out a sigh. She told herself that she was being ridiculous and that she better leave soon. She still didn't move._

 _Lorelai imagined herself saying goodbye, but all she could picture was herself looking nervous and trying to speak but no words came out, just like she did fifteen years ago._

 _Just as a tear fell down her cheek, her cell phone rang. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and dug her phone out of her purse. It was Rory. When she pressed the screen to answer the call, the screen turned off._

" _Damn it!" She shouted. The phone was dead. She had forgotten to charge it. She shot out of the chair and flew out of the diner, leaving the coffee cups behind. She ran back to lock the diner then hopped in the Jeep and drove as fast as she could. There was a lot of traffic on the way._

* * *

 _Once she was back at the hospital, she took the stairs to Richard's room, figuring they would be faster than the elevator. She found Rory standing in the hall._

" _Honey?" Lorelai said to get Rory's attention._

 _Rory lifted her head, "Mom?"_

 _Lorelai and Rory both sped-walked and collided in an embrace,_

" _You're too late." Rory's voice was mumbled as her face was pressed into Lorelai's shoulder._

 _Lorelai heard what she said. Regret washed over her. 'How could I be so stupid?' She thought. "I'm sorry." She whispered as she smoothed Rory's hair._

" _Grandma went to the bathroom again; I don't think she wanted me to see her cry."_

 _Lorelai pulled Rory even closer. They held each other for another minute. Rory pulled back. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out._

" _Um, I'm going to call Luke." Lorelai said._

 _Rory nodded. Lorelai gestured for her to sit. She didn't notice that there was nothing to sit on. Rory sank to the floor, leaning against the wall._

 _Luke picked up on the third ring. "Hey."_

" _Hi… Luke. He's, he's gone." Lorelai's voice broke._

" _I'll be there as soon as I can… Liz and TJ just got back. TJ wants me to have a beer with him, but I won't."_

" _Okay. Hurry please." Lorelai said gently. "But be safe." She added._

" _I will. Bye."_

" _Bye."_

 _Luke arrived a little over half an hour later. As soon as he appeared at the end of the hall, Lorelai walked over to him._

 _He held out his arms. She didn't go into them. Her mind was a million miles away. She was still filled with regret and she was having trouble registering any other feelings. Luke wrapped an arm around her and pulled her to him._

 _Lorelai gasped then settled in his arms. She felt him kiss the top of her head. He held her until she pulled away. Rory stood up and looked between them before_ _Luke offered her a hug._

* * *

Present Day- 2015

"I wasn't there on purpose." Lorelai admitted. "I mean I could have got there on time but I didn't."

"What do you mean?" Emily blurted out.

"Please let Lorelai speak." Sarah said.

"I couldn't say goodbye. I just couldn't do it. It was just like when Dad was in the hospital years ago and I couldn't go into his room… I don't know what's wrong with me but I just stayed in the diner longer than I should have and then Rory called but I couldn't answer because my phone died and I rushed to the hospital… but it was too late." Lorelai wiped at the tears on her face.

"But you wanted to get there on time…" Emily said in a low voice.

"I knew I had to say goodbye to him but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I stayed away on purpose."

Emily frowned. She looked like she wanted to say something, but she remained silent.

Sarah glanced at the clock. "Emily, can I ask you to step out for the last twenty minutes of the session? I'd like to spend some time talking with Lorelai alone. I'll spend some time alone with you next session. She smiled softly. "Would that be alright with you?" She asked both of them.

Emily nodded. "I suppose." She stood up and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

"Why do you think it was so hard for you to say goodbye to your father?" Sarah asked.

"I don't know… it was just so hard to see him so sick. He seemed so small." Lorelai met Sarah's eyes. "He was a tall man, and he was strong, so seeing him like that was awful. I guess I wanted my strongest memory of him to be when he was healthy. I didn't want to watch him die." She bit her lip after saying the last word.

"I understand. Now, one of the reasons you came to me was because you've been having a recurring nightmare?"

Lorelai nodded slowly.

"Can you tell me about it?"

Lorelai described the nightmare.

Sarah gave her a sympathetic look. "That's awful. I think maybe your mind is professing your regret through this nightmare. Am I correct to assume you attended his funeral?"

"Yes, I did."

"Did you speak to him there?"

Lorelai gave her a confused look. "He wasn't really there."

"Hmm… may I suggest going to his grave and expressing you feelings to him? You don't have to speak out loud. I think he is somewhere listening, but you might not have the same belief."

Lorelai let out a breath. "I guess I can try that." She shrugged.

"I'm going to talk to your mother next time and then I'll talk to you both. How are you feeling after today's session?"

"A little better, I'll try what you suggest… I'll try anything. I just want the nightmare to stop." Lorelai said.

"We'll see how things go after the next session, but you might want to seek help from a psychiatrist." Sarah stood up. Lorelai did also. They shook hands and Lorelai thanked her.

* * *

Later, when Luke arrived home, he asked Lorelai how the appointment went.

"Fine. She suggested I go to Dad's grave and talk to him."

Luke frowned. "She thinks that will help?"

"She does. Maybe she's just a strong believer in the afterlife and she thinks he'll hear me, I don't know." Lorelai sighed. "I did tell her that I didn't get to say goodbye."

Luke was confused. "You didn't? But you were at the hospital." Realization came over his face. "Wait, you were in the diner that night. You didn't make it back on time?"

Lorelai shook her head. "I stayed there longer than I should have. My mind was racing and I just couldn't picture myself being able to say goodbye to him… it was terrible."

"I didn't know that. You never told me."

"I know and I'm sorry. Only my mom and Rory knew. I was so numb by the time you showed up. I just blocked it out of my mind." Lorelai whispered hoarsely.

"It's okay. I understand." Luke said. "I just hope going to visit his grave will help you. Are you going to wait until tomorrow to go? Do you want me to come?"

"I'll wait until tomorrow, and no, I should do this alone."

Luke nodded but his face showed that he was upset.

Lorelai tugged on his hand and leaned in to kiss him. When she pulled back, she whispered:

"You're doing all you can and I appreciate it hon, really."

Luke managed a smile. He wrapped an arm around her and kissed her temple.

"Now, tell me about your day. Did Kirk do anything crazy today?" She smiled at him.

They went into the living room and sat down. Luke told her about his day.

Hours later, they were in bed, just about to go to sleep.

"Night," Luke kissed Lorelai softly.

"Night," She pulled him into another kiss, a longer one this time.

Lorelai snuggled up to him and lied awake in the dark until his breathing became even and he was asleep. Then she closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep. Waiting for him to fall asleep first was a comfort to her because she knew he was worried about her and she didn't want him to lose sleep over it.

She fell asleep a little while later. A shorter version of the nightmare occurred that night. One where she just woke up in the hospital to have Luke tell her that everyone was gone. It was strange that it was shorter, but it was also a good thing, Lorelai thought. The car going off the cliff was the most frightening part of the nightmare for her. _Maybe things will truly get better now_ , she thought.

* * *

 **Author's note: I feel like this chapter is kind of lacking. I'm not exactly happy with it. I've never been to a grief counselor so I have no idea if what I depicted in this chapter is accurate or not. Please let me know what you think of this chapter. Thank you for reading, reviewing, favouriting and following this story.**


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning, Luke woke up to find Lorelai already awake. She was still lying in bed, fiddling with her engagement ring. Luke wrapped an arm around her middle and kissed her shoulder.

"Couldn't sleep?" He asked concern evident in his voice.

She slowly turned to face him. "I slept a little. And the nightmare was different this time."

"Different?"

"Shorter. It was just me waking up in the hospital."

"That's good right… I mean it's not as frightening?" Luke said slowly.

"Yeah, not as bad," Lorelai managed a small smile.

Luke pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm gonna go shower."

He got up and headed to the bathroom. Lorelai went after him. "Mind if I join you?" She called out.

Luke stopped and turned to her. "Be my guest." He said in a low voice. He smiled.

Later, after Luke left for the diner, Lorelai decided to call Sookie.

"Hello?" Sookie answered.

"Hey Sook, it's me."

"Lorelai! Hi! How are you?" Sookie's voice was gentle.

"I'm okay. I actually went to see a grief counselor yesterday believe it or not. How are you and Jackson and the kids?"

"You did? How was it? I mean do you feel like seeing a counselor helped or?" Sookie didn't answer Lorelai's question.

"Yeah, it went fine. I feel a little better. She suggested that I go to my dad's grave and 'talk' to him but I don't know. Tell, me how are you, Jackson and the kids? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever." Lorelai held back a sigh.

"We're good. Davey got an A on his math test, Martha, Lily and Jackson are great and I'm fine. So, you're feeling skeptical about visiting your dad's grave and talking to him?"

"Yeah. I just don't know if it will help. I talked to Rory last night and she said; 'Don't knock it 'til you try it.'… wow so Davey's getting better at math, huh?"

"Yeah, once he practiced more he really improved. I agree with Rory, it could help you." Sookie said. "How are Rory and your mom?" She added.

"Rory's okay, I think she's accepted it faster than I have, but she was closer to him. I feel like… I have this regret, Sookie." Lorelai sighed softly.

"Regret?"

"I wish that I had spent less time estranged from him, from both of my parents, really. Our relationship has improved over the years, but I wish I had more time with him."

"Oh, I'm sorry sweetie. How about Emily? How is she?" Sookie asked again.

"She went to the counselor with me and she wasn't happy when I admitted that I purposely stayed away from the hospital and I didn't say goodbye to Dad." Lorelai choked.

"What? What do you mean? You were at the hospital that night, I remember." Sookie sounded confused.

"I was… until I went to Luke's for coffee. I ended up staying there longer than I should have. I just kept thinking about saying goodbye to him and I couldn't-" She stopped, her voice breaking. "I couldn't bring myself to do it. I feel terrible about it Sookie."

Sookie was silent for a few seconds. "Oh honey I don't know what to say."

"Tell me I'm a bad daughter, I can handle it." Lorelai retorted.

"I don't think that's my call to make." Sookie said softly. "I understand how you feel, okay no I really don't." She let out a breath. "I think maybe you need more time to grieve and maybe going to visit you dad's grave could help. You just take all the time you need and call me whenever you want to talk."

"Oh!" Lorelai gasped. "You're probably really busy and I'm keeping you. Is the Inn doing okay?" She said quickly.

"Don't worry about it the Inn is doing great, don't you worry. We're all doing great here,"

"Okay." Lorelai smiled. "Thanks Sook, really,"

"Thanks for the call, I was… worried about you. Everything will be okay though. You have people who love you and they will be there for you and-" She stopped, it sounded like she was crying.

"Oh Sookie, I love you." Lorelai whispered.

"I love you too, Lorelai. I really have to go now. Call whenever you want! Don't think about it, just call or visit when you need to talk!"

"Okay, will do. Bye."

"Bye."

* * *

After she hung up, Lorelai got ready and headed outside. She took a deep breath then go in the Jeep and drove to the cemetery. Once she got there, she parked and stayed in the car for a few minutes, trying to work up the nerve.

She got out of the car and walked to Richard's grave slowly. When she got there, she stood completely still and kept her head down. She didn't speak out loud. She thought about all her regrets, addressed them to Richard. When she finished, she kneeled on the ground.

"I'm sorry, Dad." She whispered. "If you can hear me, I really hope you understand that I really wish I was able to… to say goodbye to you. I feel awful." She sighed. "I really wish you didn't have to go. Um I'll talk to Mom more because we need each other and I don't want to have any more regrets."

She touched his tombstone. "I love you." She said in a faint voice.

Lorelai quickly walked back to the parking lot. Once she was back inside the Jeep, she wiped at her tears and took a deep breath. She felt slightly relieved. The next appointment with the counselor wasn't for a few days and Lorelai was grateful for that. She didn't want to talk about her feelings again, at least not for a little while.

* * *

2008- 7 Years Ago

 _After the miscarriage, Luke and Lorelai took a while to get back to normal. There were nights were they were so wrapped up in their grief that they couldn't even comfort each other. Holidays that Rory and April spent at home helped eased the pain a little. They were grateful for their daughters, but there were still holes in their hearts._

 _Luke kept his promise and they didn't try to have another baby. They were more careful than they had even been before. The topic of marriage wasn't brought up in the two years after the miscarriage. It was strange. Luke decided not to propose although he kept the ring. Marriage seemed like a pipe dream for them, not a necessity._

 _That changed on New Year's Eve of 2010, when Luke overheard Lorelai talking to Sookie. She told Sookie that sometimes she wished she had met Luke earlier that they could have fallen in love when Rory was little. She wished Luke could have been Rory's stepfather while she was growing up. She wished that Christopher wasn't her weakness, that she had never married him. Lorelai said she wanted Luke to be her first husband, even though her marriage to Christopher had been brief and complicated. She felt like a failure._

 _Luke knew she was a little drunk while she was saying this, but he also knew that she was expressing her true feelings. She also said that she was happy with Luke now, that she had become more open to marriage. She told Sookie that she knew now that a marriage to Luke would be very different than her marriage to Christopher. It would work because "I truly love Luke and I think that taking this step will only bring us closer and I'm ready if he is." She said. Luke could tell that her apprehensions about marriage had basically vanished._

 _He knew he shouldn't have eavesdropped, and when Sookie asked Lorelai if she was going to tell Luke her feelings, he almost walked into the room and told them he had been listening. Lorelai answered Sookie right away, "I'm scared that I pushed him away when I told him that maybe we weren't meant for marriage. I just needed more time to think about everything. When everything fell apart when we were engaged, I thought it was fate, that we weren't meant to get married, or that he never really wanted to marry me. But that isn't true, I finally realize that now."_

 _Lorelai sighed, "I'll be okay if he never asks, but I'm ready now." Sookie said she should tell him that. Lorelai vowed that she would, but she didn't sound convincing._

* * *

 _After that, Luke waited a week for her to talk to him, but she never brought the topic up. He finally caved and planned a special evening for them. It was going to be a surprise. When she came home from work that night, he told her to relax and have a bath while he cooked diner. She smiled softly at him, "You're so sweet" She kissed him quickly before she went upstairs._

 _When Lorelai arrived downstairs, she found the kitchen lit by candlelight and Luke putting food onto plates. A memory of Luke cooking the same meal when they were dating flashed in her mind. It was lamb and artichoke stew, penne with pesto and potatoes, roasted garlic with rosemary focaccia, tomatoes stuffed with bread crumbs and goat cheese. The meal they were eating when TJ interrupted them, she vaguely remembered._

" _Luke." She whispered softly._

 _Luke looked up and smiled, "You're right on time,"_

 _She walked up to him. "You did all this for little old me?" She teased._

 _He just nodded. He had taken off his baseball cap, she noticed._

" _What did I do to deserve this?" She was flabbergasted._

 _Luke glanced at her then looked away. "I have a confession to make."_

 _Lorelai's brow furrowed, "What is it?"_

" _I overheard… uh listened to you and Sookie talking on New Year's Eve."_

" _What?"… oh Luke I uh… you heard me talking about marriage."_

" _Yeah,"_

" _I'm sorry." She covered her face with her hand._

" _I shouldn't have eavesdropped." Luke admitted._

" _No," She said. "I should have talked to you about it before talking to Sookie. It's not a good excuse, but I was a little drunk and-"_

" _Shh." He stepped closer and pressed his fingers to her lips._

 _She pulled away. "Luke, I didn't talk to you about something huge, you should be mad at me." She claimed._

" _I'm mad at myself for not bringing the topic up again after we lost the baby." He said gently._

" _Oh." She whispered. "But still, I didn't communicate, I failed you."_

 _Luke shook his head. "We both made mistakes, Lorelai. But that was the past, this is right now. We need to break this pattern."_

 _Lorelai stared at him then she nodded slowly. "We really do and I really do want to marry you… I'm sorry I didn't realize it until recently. I was being stupid when I was scared thinking that things might go wrong."_

" _It's okay." He took her hand. "I was a little apprehensive too. I never wanted to lose you again. After April came into my life… I got into my own head and focused on her and excluded you and that was the worst thing I could have ever done. Then we got back together and things were great until we lost the baby." He swallowed. "I thought we were ready for marriage the night you told you were pregnant, but maybe we weren't."_

 _Lorelai met his gaze. "I think we needed more time. I mean I know we were meant to be together, but marriage was this big question mark for me and you seemed so sure that it was right for us."_

 _Luke kept eye contact. "I was pretty sure, but I also had a few worries. And I understood how you were feeling. I was okay with not getting married. We weren't in the right place after… after losing the baby." He let out a breath." We're still together after going through hell… marriage isn't necessary, but if you're ready to jump, then I'm ready."_

 _Lorelai smiled slowly, "I am." She looked at the kitchen table. "You made it special… I don't deserve this."_

" _Hey." Luke whispered softly. She looked back at him. "Don't say that. Just because you weren't ready until now doesn't mean the moment should be any less special when it happens. And I'm not going to let you steal my thunder again." He chuckled softly._

 _She giggled. She knew he was right, she shouldn't feel this way. She focused on him, smiling._

 _He smiled back and squeezed her hand. "I was going to wait until after we ate but," He lowered himself to the floor, bending on one knee. "Lorelai Gilmore, will you marry me?" He asked, pulling the ring box from his pocket and opening it._

 _Lorelai gasped when she saw the ring, it was beautiful. "Yes!" She answered immediately, grinning from ear to ear._

 _Luke beamed and got up as quickly as he could. He had barely slid the ring onto her finger when she jumped into his arms._

 _He laughed and lifted her off the floor. She pressed her lips to his when he set her down. They only stopped kissing when the need for air became unbearable._

" _I love you." He said when they pulled apart._

 _She rested her forehead against his, "I love you too babe."_

* * *

Present Day- 2015

When Lorelai arrived home, she ordered a pizza and sat on the couch and watched a movie with Paul Anka next to her. She fell asleep on the couch and woke up at midnight. She figured Luke didn't bother waking her up and that he must be upstairs sleeping.

She stretched and got up after scratching behind Paul Anka's ears. The dog wasn't asleep and he whimpered.

"Sorry boy, did I hurt you?"

Paul Anka jumped off the couch and ran over to the front door.

"What's up with him?" She spoke out loud. She picked up her cell phone from the table and noticed that she had a voice mail from Luke. She played it. He informed her that he was going to Liz and TJ's house for a late dinner and that he would be home by nine.

Lorelai saw that it was after midnight. She ignored Paul Anka's barking and went upstairs to the bedroom.

Luke wasn't in bed and he wasn't in the bathroom either. Lorelai checked the guest room and didn't find him there either.

"Luke?" She called out.

Paul Anka barked again and she rushed back downstairs. When she got to the front door, Paul Anka walked over to her and whimpered again.

Lorelai pet him, "Daddy's not home, I know. He should be here soon, don't worry." She said this to make herself feel better, but she was starting to feel worried. _Where are you, Luke?"_ She wondered.

* * *

 **Author's note: So the article in Entertainment Weekly said that Luke and Lorelai are engaged when the revival starts, but after seeing the revival trailer, it doesn't seem like that's the case. Lorelai isn't wearing a ring and it just doesn't seem like they're engaged. They are together though… in this story they are engaged since I wrote most of it before the trailer was released. I could be wrong about them not being engaged in the revival, but who knows. We'll find out in three weeks!**

 **Thanks for reading. Reviews are appreciated.**


	11. Chapter 11

Lorelai stood by the front door for a few minutes before she went back to the living room. Paul Anka followed her. She picked up her cell phone again and after looking at the screen longer, she realized she had a missed call. It wasn't Luke's call that had resulted in a message. It was Liz who had called, a little over a half hour ago.

Lorelai gasped and she became more concerned. After sitting down, she called Liz immediately. Liz picked up on the second ring.

"Lorelai? Hey."

"Liz! I saw that you called and you didn't leave a message. Luke never came home after he called to say he'd be home around nine but he's not here and I'm worried. Have you seen him?" Lorelai said quickly then she took a deep breath.

"I called you because the hospital called me, L-"

"The hospital?!" Lorelai interrupted.

"Don't worry! He's fine. They called me because I'm his next of kin. He was in a car accident and he's pretty banged up. They had to put a neck brace on him and stitch up a couple cuts, but he'll be okay. I'm at the hospital still, waiting for him to wake up." Liz informed her.

"He's okay." Lorelai let out a sigh of relief. She put a hand to her heart. Paul Anka rested his head on her knee.

"Yeah, I just thought you might be worried, I know I was when he never showed up for dinner but then I got the call. You might be able to make it here before he wakes up."

"Okay, thank you Liz. I'm so relieved." Lorelai sniffed.

"I hear ya. Okay, see you when you get here, I'll meet you in the lobby." Liz said.

"All right. Bye."

"Bye."

Lorelai pet Paul Anka. He lifted his head off her knee and looked into her eyes. "Everything's gonna be okay." She told him, knowing that she was also saying it to reassure herself.

Paul Anka jumped down and Lorelai pet him one more time before she slipped her shoes on and ran out the door without a coat, only remembering to grab her purse. The cool fall evening air met her and she shivered, but she didn't go back to grab a coat. She hopped in the Jeep and fumbled with her key before she got it in the ignition.

* * *

Lorelai arrived at the hospital in record timing. She was lucky that there were no police on the road to stop her and give her a ticket for speeding. After parking, she sped walked inside and made her way to the lobby. She spotted Liz right away and called out to her.

"Wow, you got here fast." Liz exclaimed.

Lorelai let out a brittle laugh, "I may or may not have broken the speed limit."

Liz smiled. "Well, the doctor just came out and told me he should be waking up any minute now and that I can go in but since you're here, I think you should go in first."

"Oh no, I couldn't. He's your brother…" Lorelai replied.

"Please, you're his fiancée. You can go in first, I don't mind, really Lorelai." Liz waved her hand. "He said the nurse at the front desk would take me."

Lorelai looked at her and gave her a grateful smile before she walked over to the desk. She asked where Luke was, informing the nurse that she was his fiancée.

The nurse asked about Liz, but Lorelai told her that Liz said she could see Luke first. The nurse nodded and leaded Lorelai to the elevator then up to Luke's room.

Once the nurse left Lorelai alone in the room, she let her eyes drift to the bed. Luke was lying almost completely still; the only part of his body moving was the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in and out. His eyes were closed, but they opened when Lorelai went closer to the bed.

His neck was in a brace and there were several stitched up cuts on his face. Lorelai gasped loudly.

Luke's eyes met hers and he grunted. Lorelai assumed he felt the neck brace and wanted to know what was going on.

She reached out and put a hand on his leg. "Hi doll… you were in a car accident. You're in the hospital." She said softly.

Luke looked confused and then realization came over his features. "I was.." his voice was quiet.

"Shh don't talk, you can tell me later." Lorelai felt hot tears on her cheeks.

He moved his hand so that it was on top of hers. She laced her fingers through his.

"You're going to be okay." She whispered. She started crying more and a sob escaped.

"Hey." Luke whispered.

Lorelai didn't look at him. She kept her head down and cried silently. Luke tugged on her hand. She pulled away and stood up straight.

Luke looked at her but she wouldn't look at him. She wiped at her tears and then leaned in close to him. Most of the cuts were on his left side. She pressed a soft kiss to the right side of his forehead.

"I'm gonna go find the doctor and see if you can go home. And I'll bring Liz, okay?" She told him.

She left before he could respond. Luke's doctor was right outside the hall, he was about to come in. They talked and he informed her that Luke could go home as soon as he or Liz signed some papers. After everything was sorted out and Liz visited Luke, a nurse helped Luke out of bed and into a wheelchair and he and Lorelai helped him to the Jeep.

"It's freezing." Luke muttered once they were in the Jeep and Lorelai had returned the wheelchair.

"I know, I'm sorry, I didn't think to bring your coat or even mine." Lorelai replied.

"I mean-" Luke winced. "You must have been freezing without a coat."

"Don't worry about me, you're the one who almost died." Lorelai said harshly.

Luke was taken aback. The doctor had told him what had happened, the air bag failed and he had hit the dashboard and was tousled around a little despite his seatbelt. He hadn't lost much blood but they were worried about bleeding in his brain. He was lucky that there wasn't any internal bleeding, or that he hadn't ended up like the driver of the other car, who was deceased.

"I didn't," Luke stopped. He almost said he didn't almost die but then he remembered Lorelai's nightmare and he bet that when she heard about him being in a car accident, she probably feared the worst.

Lorelai started the Jeep without saying a word. Luke hated that he couldn't move his neck or head to look at her. He decided to wait until they got home to talk.

* * *

It was a feat, helping Luke inside. Once they were inside, Paul Anka walked up to them and pressed his head to Luke's leg.

Lorelai smiled and bent down. "I told you that Daddy would be okay." She pet the dog.

"How many times have I told you, I'm not his dad," Luke said. He winced again. He tried moving his head without thinking.

"Let's just… do you think you can make it upstairs?" Lorelai asked.

Luke wanted to nod, but he just whispered "Yes."

Lorelai nodded and followed behind him. She helped him get into bed and made sure he was as comfortable as possible.

"Lorelai," He said gently.

"I should go get your prescription, you're probably in a lot of pain." Lorelai mumbled.

"We already got it at the hospital, remember?" Luke said.

"Oh yeah, then I need to go get you a glass of water so you can take a pill." Lorelai left the room.

Luke didn't bother calling out to her. She returned a few minutes later with a pill bottle and a glass of water.

"I'm fine. I'm not in any pain right now." He told her. He had already taken a dose of pain killers before leaving the hospital.

"Okay well I'll leave the water on the nightstand. Are you tired? Do you want to sleep?"

"I want to talk." He said.

Lorelai frowned. "You should rest. I'll take care of you, you can trust me. I mean sure, I've had pets that have died but you're different, you're m-"

"Lorelai," He interjected.

She sat down next to him, facing the headboard so he could see her without moving his head and placed her hand in his open one.

"Did you go to your dad's grave today?"

Lorelai started at him. "That's what you're worried about?" She almost shouted.

"I want to know that you're better… now that you have to take care of me, I don't want to be a burden. You're already dealing with so much and I just don't want you to be so stressed, it isn't healthy." Luke's thumb caressed her hand and he didn't take his eyes off her.

Lorelai let out a breath. After he had been hurt in a car accident, he was worried about _her._ "I feel better, I really do. It helped, talking to him. But you're wrong, I can handle this. You're more important right now. It's a good distraction actually." She rubbed his arm. "I'll keep going to the grief counselor and I'll get better. I love that you're putting me before yourself, but please, let me worry about you."

Luke inhaled and he was going to protest but then decided against it. She was right, he realized. He wanted to care for her, but he also need to be cared for. They would get through this together.

"Okay." Luke said softly.

"I'm exhausted." Lorelai sighed.

"Get some sleep. We both need sleep." He said.

"I was sleeping when you called before… but I'm still tired." She told him. She looked at him and pressed her lips together. "I hope you can actually fall asleep, that looks so uncomfortable."

"It will be rough." Luke closed his eyes then opened them. "I'll be okay though." He tried to assure her.

"Okay." She whispered. She squeezed his hand then let it go. "Oh!"

He almost jumped at her shout. "What?"

"You probably want out of your clothes… I mean you usually sleep in a t-shirt and sweats." She gestured to his clothes. He was wearing a t-shirt and jeans. He had a flannel on during the crash but the doctors must have removed it.

"I'm fine. I've slept in my clothes before." The comforter was already covering his lower half.

"All right." She said. She got up to change herself and turn off the light. She returned from the bathroom a few minutes later, wearing one of his flannels.

She walked over to his side of the bed and gently touched his face.

"It doesn't hurt?" She asked.

"Not if I don't touch the cuts." He said gruffly.

"I meant your neck."

"It's fine if I don't move."

Lorelai nodded. "Goodnight hon."

"Night,"

She walked back to her side and turned on the lamp before she turned off the overhead light. Once she got in bed, she turned off the lamp.

"You still good?" She whispered after a couple minutes had passed.

"Yes." He answered.

Lorelai fell asleep pretty fast. Luke remained awake for hours. He finally fell asleep around six a.m.

* * *

When Lorelai woke in the late morning, she looked next to her and was relieved to find Luke sleeping next to her. She was a little afraid he would get up in the middle of the night. Moving slowly, she got out of bed and headed downstairs.

She picked up the phone and found Luke's phone book on the table. She called Caesar and told him what happened. Caesar said he could run the diner no problem that Luke would not need to worry. Lorelai thanked him then called Rory. She told Rory what happened and that she visited Ricard's grave. They talked for almost half an hour and Lorelai felt even better after their conversation.

Lorelai headed back upstairs. She found Luke awake. He had managed to sit up.

"Hey. Good morning" She said gently.

"Morning,"

"Did you sleep okay?"

"It took me a few hours to get to sleep but I slept I okay. What time is it?"

"Almost noon,"

"Wow, I've never slept in this later." He gasped softly. "People are probably wondering where are I am, the diner is locked."

Lorelai shook her head, "I called Caesar, he's got it under control."

"Good."

Lorelai walked up to the bed. "Are you in pain now?"

He nodded, "I should probably take a pill every few hours or so."

"That's what the doctor said." Lorelai picked up the bottle and the glass of water that was still full.

"I'll get you some fresh water." She said.

"Thanks."

She gave him a smile then left. After he had taken his pill, she sat next to him on the bed.

"Luke?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm so lucky to have you. I hope you know how thankful I am."

He wished he could turn his head to look at her. "Of course I know. I'm thankful for you too."

She moved to sit in front of him so he could see her face. "When Liz told me what happened, I thought 'Why didn't they call me?' It's because she's your next of kin."

Luke's brow furrowed. "Yeah, she's been my next of kin for years, I never got around to changing it."

"It makes sense, she's your sister. Rory's my next of kin. But I just thought if I was your wife, I might be your next of kin."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"It could have been much worse, your accident." She swallowed. "If you had died, Liz would have told me, I guess that's better than a police man showing up at the door or something but I just thought, what if you died and I didn't know for hours…"

"Lorelai," He whispered. She met his eyes. "What are you trying to say?" He was a little confused.

"I'm saying I regret not marrying you when you asked me four years ago."

"There were circumstances that weren't under our control."

"We could have eloped, we were ready to get married."

"We were, but you wanted a big wedding and your mom did too, the whole damn town would have protested if we eloped."

"I know." She said sadly. "And then Dad got sick and everything was so complicated."

"Lorelai, I told you I'm okay with being engaged and not married."

"After four years?!" She raised her voice.

"Yes. We're still together and that's all that matters. I don't want to argue about this."

"But I want to get married now. I think we've waited long enough. Everything wasn't in our control, but we made our own decisions… and now I want to get married." Lorelai explained.

* * *

 **Author's note: This is a bit of a filler chapter. Thanks for reading, following, reviewing and favouriting this story.**

 **I read a couple L/L spoilers from the first revival ep and I'm even more excited now if that's possible lol but I also really want to know what happened with L/L in the past nine years and I'm not sure we'll get that…**


	12. Chapter 12

2011- 4 years ago

 _When Lorelai and Luke told Emily that they were engaged, her reaction surprised them. "Finally," She said. After that, Emily insisted that she be part of the wedding planning. Lorelai was hesitant at first, remembering how Emily had taken over Sookie's wedding plans. But once she thought about it for a few days, she knew it could end up being a way to bring them closer together._

 _There were bumps along the road of course. Emily wanted a huge, extravagant wedding, Lorelai wanted a simpler, smaller one. Emily told Lorelai that she would need to book the venue a year in advance, Lorelai thought that was ridiculous. Luke was more involved this time around. After almost two months of arguments and almost no plans being made, Lorelai, Emily and Luke finally agreed on a venue. They were planning on getting married in early September at a venue that Lorelai and Emily both loved._

 _Then in late August, everything became complicated. At an annual checkup, Richard was diagnosed with prostate cancer. The day Lorelai and Luke found out, they immediately cancelled the wedding. Luke made most of the phone calls as Lorelai was very distraught. Richard felt bad and he told them that they should just have a small ceremony right before he started treatment, but Lorelai refused._

 _Richard received treatment for many months and he went into remission. After that, it took a long time for him to feel like himself again. In mid-2012, Luke and Lorelai started looking at other wedding venues. Once Emily found out, she was very upset and hurt that she wasn't included. This caused a huge riff between them. Lorelai and Luke stop attending Friday night dinners. After staying angry for a few weeks, Lorelai chose to apologise and Emily eventually forgave her._

 _After that, wedding plans continued. They weren't able to book another venue until the end of 2012. 2013 came and it brought a new spring wedding date. But then things became hectic again. Rory had been let go from her job and she moved back home. As the months passed without her finding a job, she became depressed and Lorelai knew that she would need to focus on her daughter. The wedding was postponed._

 _Rory objected to this but Lorelai refused to get married when Rory's life was at such a low point. Luke agreed to postponing the wedding right away. He was also worried about Rory. A few months later, Rory decided to become a freelance journalist. She wanted to explore the world and this gave her the chance to do so. Lorelai had numerous conversations with her, making sure this was what she wanted. Rory said this really what she wanted. She said it was and that she would use the money in her trust fund to fund her travels. She was able to access the money when she turned twenty five, but she had barely touched it since then._

 _After that, the Dragonfly became very busy and Lorelai focused on work and forgot to set a new wedding date. She and Luke sat down and half-heartedly decided to cancel the wedding. They thought all of the obstacles were signs. Maybe it would be better if they didn't get married at all. Or maybe they could just have a simple ceremony at the city hall in Hartford._

 _Luke and Lorelai were still happy together. Not being married didn't change that. They had the occasional argument, but practically none of their discussions were about marriage. Lorelai still wore her engagement ring. Surprisingly, Emily didn't comment on the matter. She was just relieved that her husband beat cancer._

 _Everything became hectic when Richard's cancer came back in 2015. Rory came home every weekend. Emily barely talked to anyone and remained at Richard's side, sleeping in his hospital room. Richard's prognosis quickly became very poor as the cancer had spread and the chemo wasn't working._

* * *

Present Day 2015

" _But I want to get married now. I think we've waited long enough. Everything wasn't in our control, but we made our own decisions… and now I want to get married." Lorelai explained._

"This is all because you're scared that something else will happen to me and you won't know about it because you're not my next of kin." Luke stated.

Lorelai frowned, "No, it's not just because of that. It's because I just want to marry you!" She raised her voice.

Luke's brow furrowed. "We haven't talked about this in forever." He rubbed his face with his hands. "Do you really want to talk about it now?"

"Yes, I do." Lorelai said sternly. She sighed and took his hand. "Just hear me out please."

"Of course," He answered.

Lorelai gave him a small smile. "I don't want to get married just to be your next of kin. I want to get married because we've been going in circles for years and it's just crazy when you think about. Sure, the wedding plans took a back seat when more important things came up, and that's fine, but we also just stopped talking about marriage suddenly." She looked at him, wanting him to share his thoughts.

"Yeah, we just gave up. At least we decided it together though."

"We did, but I still feel like the wedding should have happened by now. We really suck at communicating." She admitted.

Luke raised his eyebrows and sighed, agreeing.

Lorelai didn't say anything. Luke squeezed her hand and she looked at him.

"I want to get married as soon as possible. I agree, we shouldn't have kept putting it off. I really wish we hadn't… we're something else, aren't we?" Luke chuckled.

Lorelai smiled, "Yeah." She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss. "I'm glad we talked about this and I'm so happy with you, I hope you know that."

"I know." Luke grinned. "I'm happy with you too and I'm glad we talked about things. I love you." He said gently.

"I love you too babe." She gave him another kiss. "Now, you get some more rest."

"Okay." He whispered.

* * *

A few days later, Lorelai and Emily returned to the grief counselor together. They had had individual appointments beforehand and Lorelai told Sarah that visiting Richard's grave had helped her. Lorelai didn't know what happened at Emily's appointment and she assumed that would remain confidential. She just hoped Emily would be in a better state.

They talked about things for a little bit before Sarah said: "Last time the three of us were together, I asked you to leave, Emily, while I spoke to Lorelai. You showed some disappointment in Lorelai when she admitted that she purposely avoided the hospital the night of Richard's death."

Emily nodded. She didn't look at Lorelai.

"I'd like to discuss that with both of you in the room."

Lorelai cleared her throat, "I'm sorry about that Mom, really. I feel awful about it."

Emily glanced at her daughter. "He wanted to tell you goodbye."

"I know." Lorelai's voice broke. "What Sarah said was true… going to his grave helped me."

"But seeing him alive for the last time was too much for you?" Emily questioned.

Lorelai took a shaky breath. Sarah passed her a Kleenex box. Lorelai mouthed a "thank you". She wiped at the corners of her eyes. "He wasn't himself and I just hated seeing him like that. He looked so small and I just didn't want to… I don't know, I didn't want my last memory of him to be that."

Emily nodded, seeming to understand. "But you saw him the whole time he was sick… both times."

"I know and I hated seeing him like that but I tried to stay strong for Rory's sake. I guess I'm just not good with goodbyes."

"Well how do you think I feel?! I had to say goodbye to my husband of fifty years!" Emily's voice rose.

Sarah opened her mouth to speak, but Lorelai flashed her a gentle smile, telling her that she could handle it.

"I know and… I admit that you're a lot stronger than I am. It was different for me though. My relationship with Dad wasn't perfect." Lorelai bit her lip. "No relationship is perfect. What I'm trying to say is I regret some of the things that have happened between us over the years."

"Really?" Emily clearly did not believe that.

"Yes, of course." Lorelai said. "Mom I really hope you'll forgive me, for not being able to say goodbye." She swallowed nervously.

"I understand why it was hard for you, but I just don't know if I can forgive you, at least not yet. I'm not ready." Emily said. She looked away.

"Oh," Lorelai whispered.

"Emily, are you willing to keep coming to these sessions and talk about your feelings more?" Sarah asked.

"I don't know. I don't think I can." Emily looked at Sarah. "You have helped me personally, thank you. I do feel a bit better, but I just think Lorelai and I need some time apart."

Lorelai's heart broke. She looked down to hide the fact she was crying. She really thought this might help her and Emily's relationship. She realized she was dead wrong.

Lorelai pushed her thoughts to the back of her mind. She stood and walked to stand in front of Sarah. She heard Emily get up and leave the room.

"Thank you Sarah. You've helped me, really. I just think it's going to take a lot more to get my mother and me to a better place." She flinched. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I'm going to stop seeing you."

Sarah smiled politely. "You're welcome. I'm glad I could help you. I still suggest that you see a therapist, you and Emily."

Lorelai nodded and thanked her again. She turned around and walked out of the room. She went into the bathroom to compose herself and when she went out to the parking lot, Emily's car was gone. They had driven here separately.

Lorelai muttered something unintelligible under her breath. She got into the Jeep and drove home slowly. When Babette had heard about Luke's accident, she offered to stay in the house with him while Lorelai was gone.

* * *

Lorelai stepped inside to find Babette gone. There was a note on the table from her, letting her know that she was taking Paul Anka for a walk. Lorelai was grateful for that, Paul Anka hadn't been on a walk in a couple days and he probably needed one.

She headed upstairs and found Luke asleep in bed. She changed into sweats and a t-shirt then sat down on the bed. She debated calling Rory then decided not to. She didn't want to upset her.

Luke awoke when Lorelai starting crying, unable to hold back her sobs.

"Lorelai?" He groaned. He still couldn't turn his head so he couldn't see her.

Lorelai took a deep breath and wiped at her tears. "Hey hon, how'd you sleep?" She moved so he could see her.

"Okay. How did the session go?"

"Not well… I made a huge mistake Luke, and now it's cost me."

"What is it?" He asked, reaching for her.

She moved closer to him and he twirled a strand of her hair around his finger.

"I didn't say goodbye to Dad and Mom hates me for that. I've ruined any hope for reconciliation."

"She doesn't hate you." Luke replied.

Lorelai laughed bitterly. "I doubt you'd say that after you saw her face and heard what she said."

"You'll be okay. Everything will work out." Luke tried to assure her.

 _Not this time._ She thought. "I just… don't want to talk about it anymore. I have Rory and I have you and that's all I need." She lied her head down on his chest.

He rubbed circles on her back.

She pulled away suddenly. "Ooh sorry, I forgot, does that hurt you?"

"No." He said.

She lied back down. He held her tight and she breathed in his scent. It was comforting to her. She had always felt at home in his arms.

"We'll get through this together." He said.

She lifted her head and whispered, "Yeah." She had doubts but his words had comforted her. The future worried her, but she knew he would always be her. Luke and Rory would always be there, that was the one thing she was sure of.

* * *

 **Author's note: This is the last chapter. I left the ending open on purpose. I've read some spoilers and some speculations for the revival and it seems like Emily and Lorelai are not any closer than they were at the end of season 7. I wanted to end the story like this. If you've seen the stills that were released, you know Emily and Lorelai will go to therapy in the revival. I want to see how that plays out in the revival, so I won't be writing anything about that. This story was more about Luke and Lorelai and Lorelai's feelings.**

 **I'm pretty sure Lorelai and Luke are not engaged at the beginning of the revival, but I started writing this story when I was sure that they were. It's different from the revival (I can already tell), but I wrote it that way because I still can't believe they aren't married yet and I wanted them to at least be engaged... I do hope we get to see the wedding though. Less than 2 days! I can't wait!**

 **Thank you so much for your reviews, and for following and favouriting this story.**

 **I wanted to finish it before the revival so this chapter was kind of rushed. I hope you like it. Feel free to share any constructive criticism you may have. Also feel free to send me a message after the revival, I'd love to talk about it. My twitter is Natalie122333 and my tumblr is itwasagreatkiss**


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